Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I give media outlets my direct number.

Cole," I said, "Don't lose this number.

I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, "Stephen, why haven't you called me?" I said, "I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it." He said, "How long have you had it?" I said, "I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it."

Brad Pitt is great fun. He jokes around all the time and has a real quality about him. On set the director called me over and said, 'Jase, just watch him. Watch him move.' Instead of walking, Brad literally glides. It's incredible.

Hurry up and write your number down before I don't want it no more.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

I've probably overused this analogy of a flock of birds moving around an object in flight, but, in reality, it's so simple, real time communication of individuals that allow for this super organism type of organism to happen.

Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.

There is in this world no real delight (excepting those of sensuality), but exchange of ideas in conversation.

The financial services industry has seemed to treat the crisis like a little rainfall - inconvenient, but no significant changes needed. The real question moving forward is how the industry will respond to Wall Street reform and growing public anger.

[While] my life started taking on all the problems of addiction. So that took me off into an area where relationships were absolutely impossible to handle on any real level. . . . Even communicating with other people was impossible.

I would like the whole world to be full with authentic art, throbbing with it, living with it, because that is the only way: through authentic art, real art, you transcend it. If the music is real, soon you will move into meditation, because the music will only give you a little glimpse of meditation, nothing more.

You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!

Real transformation requires real honesty. If you want to move forward - get real with yourself.

The ethic of truth is the complete opposite of an 'ethics of communication'. It is an ethic of the Real The ethic of truth is absolutely opposed to opinion, and to ethics in general.

I'm not a real vocal guy, but sometimes you need to kick someone in the ass.

The California cemeteries make dying sound so attractive it's a real effort to keep breathing.

I got Robbie's mobile number and rang him. It went to his voicemail: 'Hi, it's Robbie - whazzup!' Like the Budweiser ad. I never called him back. I thought: 'I can't be f****** signing that'.

Real movement in the Kerry campaign now. His poll numbers are moving, donations are moving, endorsements are moving. The only thing not moving is his hair.

I've decided as an actor the only, the power I have really is in the performance. It's the only real place I get to sort of communicate.

The trouble with improv is that it is often about being funny in the moment without any real consideration for the bigger picture.

Breaking up isn't something that gets done to you; its something that happens with you.

But there's a bigger trend I'm seeing: people who used to enjoy blogging their lives are now moving to Twitter.

Structure is what makes communication hang together. It's like the rails that a train runs on. Without them, things wouldn't move very far. If you only have time to do one thing in your presentation, make sure it has a clear and identifiable structure. Without this, you'll have no credibility. Once you've organized your ideas, if you step back and look at it, many times we've organized topics. We've strung together a structure with organized topics. At this point, change your topics into messages.