Frankie Boyle Quotes

I was shot from the funny gun.

When the doctors showed me an X-ray of my brain, they pointed to a black hole on the upper left side and told me that all memory from that spot was dead. I thought to myself that I hoped that's where I kept 'The Orange Blossom Special.'

As many know, brain injury comes in many forms. The two most prevalent brain injuries - stroke and trauma - affect more than 2.2 million Americans, and these numbers are expected to grow.

I'm sure I've been in an accident because I'm wild and crazy and go too fast, but I don't remember having an accident.

I had post-traumatic amnesia, five-second memory, it happens as a result of brain injury.

I was 21, and rehearsing a play, took a fall and was in a coma for a few days. And when I recovered, I'd lost my sense of smell completely.

When I was 15 and playing in Kalamazoo, I ran into a light pole on the side of the court and was knocked out for a little while - when I woke up, I was seeing stars!

My lone concussion occurred in 2003 against Denver. I was spinning off block and right when I spun, I hit Clinton Portis with my head turned sideways. I hit him and I hit the ground. That was first big one where I was like 'Whoa.' Back then, it was no big deal.

I've been dropped on my head multiple times.

Dave Duerson had classic pathology of CTE and no evidence of any other disease.

I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. "Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up..." WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right dude, you're up."

I think I'm a little concussed.

Who knew hitting my head and passing out would be so much fun?

Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.

I'm really afraid of getting hit by cars, like terrified of it. I'm terrified of crossing streets. I'm also very accident-prone...I think people aim for me.

My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.

I think they should put pies on the fronts of trains, so that when they hit something it's at least a little bit funny.

Is it...dead?" asked Tom, his voice all quivery with fright. "A town just ran over him," said Hester. "I shouldn't think he's very well.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

My own father had died of Alzheimer's. George [Mitchell] had been also, I think, deeply moved by a similar tragedy.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.