Dennis Miller Quotes

Anytime I'm on the field, I need to make every kick that's in front of me.

I always wanted to play in the Super Bowl. That never happened. It hurts. I'm not going to lie about it. It's reality. You deal with it.

You want me to play kicker or punter, all I gotta do is get a good stretch in and warm my foot up. I think I can kick the ball, too.

Punting the ball is really frustrating to me.

Scoring from a metre out is just as beautiful as lobbing a goalkeeper from the halfway line.

It's quite easy in football when you can bang it into the top corner.

Kicking field goals is frustrating to me.

Plan your free-kick and imagine where you need to hit the ball. Hang a T-shirt under the bar and try to hit it with the ball.

As a field goal kicker you can't make your own opportunities.

I'm not massively into the screamers, because I think sometimes fellas just hit it and there's an element of luck over whether it flies into the top corner or over the bar.

I'm a forward, and I dream of a goal in the World Cup, pushing it, kicking it from outside the box, wherever. I dream of scoring at a World Cup.

For every striker, it's important to have some crosses. Sometimes they come, sometimes not.

They don't give you extra points if you make a 50-yarder that goes over the net.

Punters must catch bullet snaps that sometimes bounce or test their verticals. Then they must aim away from dangerous returners or pierce the wind with low spirals or drop punts into 'coffin corners' or stick them nose-first like majestic 2-irons near the goal line.

For me their biggest threat is when they get into the attacking part of the field.

He can't kick with his left foot, he can't head a ball, he can't tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that he's all right.

Thierry Henry could take the ball in the middle of the park and score a goal that no one else in the world could score.

Bush is a natural-born loser with a filthy-rich daddy who pimped his son out to rich oil-mongers. He hates music, football and sex, in no particular order, and he is no fun at all.

The left wants to transform America away from founding ideals, and this is it. And they know it. And they're doing everything they, and they've got the media helping them and so forth. I think one of the ways of exposing 'em is to ridicule 'em. I mean, laughter is the simplest way to humiliate somebody. Laugh at them, it shrinks them.

Texas senator and tea party favorite Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He pledged to lead America boldly forward into the 1950s.

The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the most votes wins.

The advantage is that mathematics is a field in which one's blunders tend to show very clearly and can be corrected or erased with a stroke of the pencil.

American political culture quickly and always outpaces any attempt to satirize it.

A lot of comics claimed to be political comedians when George W. Bush was in office just by calling him an idiot. For me, Obama is actually more interesting comically, because not everybody can figure it out.

I would rank George Washington as America's greatest president, but he only had to defeat what was then the world's greatest military power with a ragtag group of irregulars and some squirrel guns, whereas Ronald Reagan had to defeat liberals.