Jimmy Fallon Quotes

It's just not right that so many things don't work when they should. I don't think that will change for a long time.

Any time you stand in line at the D.M.V. and look around, you're like, Oh, my God, I wish all these people were replaced by computer drivers.

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

Government is dysfunctional.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, allowing us to do things more quickly and efficiently. But too often it seems to make things harder, leaving us with fifty-button remote controls, digital cameras with hundreds of mysterious features and book-length manuals, and cars with dashboard systems worthy of the space shuttle.

I have problems with machines which aren't gestural.

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.

Nothing in Chicago seems to be working the way it’s supposed to.

This system isn't working.

Walking over to Iggy, he poked him with his shoe. "Does anysing on you vork properly?" Iggy rubbed his forehead with one hand. "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony." Ter Borcht tsked. "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold onto someone's shirt, yes? Following dem closely?" "Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert," Iggy said truthfully.

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

It's hard not to get down on the government when you see dysfunction play out on our TVs every day. Frankly, sometimes at every level of government.

I feel like an inadequate machine, a machine that breaks down at crucial moments, grinds to a dreadful hault, 'won't go,' or, even worse, explodes in some innocent person's face.

My iCloud keeps telling me to back it up, and I'm like, 'I don't know how to back you up. Do it yourself!'

How our government works... it doesn't.

Why have I so little control? It is the case of much waste and pain in my life.

One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed.

I'm in a house where if the washing machine shuts off, it sings a song. If iPad gets a message, it sings a song. I'm living in a real postmodern time - every single thing sings to you to tell you it's started, it's stopped, you've got a message, you didn't get a message.

I was never asked to join the Editorial Cartoonists Of America. No fraternity would have me in college, either. I think they know something.

Life would be grand if it weren't for the people.

I hate taking myself seriously. It drives me crazy!

Truly, the worst trains take one across the best landscapes.

Know what the best thing about insomnia is? That I get to stay up all night figuring it out.

Eve talking to someone on her computer and having trouble with the language translator....."I have two like crimes. Your data and your input on Leclerk would be very helpful"Marie pursed her lips and humor danced in her eyes."It says you would like to have sex with me. I don't think that is correct""Oh, for Christ sake" Eve slammed a fist against the machine.