Bill Cosby Quotes

If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn't have given us arms.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

I was always shocked when I went to the doctor's office and they did my X-ray and didn't find that I had eight more ribs than I should have or that my blood was the color green.

I'm not sure filming a birth is as hard as actual labour, but it's a really long, arduous day!

Most women get pregnant and even though it's a challenge physically and uncomfortable, they generally wanted to be pregnant.

I can lick my elbow. I know that's supposed to be impossible, but I can do it!

There is nothing that anyone can say to prepare you for childbirth. Each woman's experience is so different; you never know how it will be for you!

There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.

To have hands, to have fingers, is weird. Real life is weird, to have fingers?

All right, then nobody can complain if we ask pregnant women to make parachute jumps.

A number of anxious dwarfs trying to grill a whale.

The Pakistanis can get milk from a bull.

Who would have thought it would be possible to run across Canada on one leg, eh? I wanted to try the impossible and show that it could be done.

I'd like to have a neck. Everyone else has a neck, but I never got one; I don't know what happened. I'm not asking for much: just some sort of separation between my head and my body would be great.

Modi says he built 850,000 toilets in Bihar one week. That's roughly 1.5 toilets per second. We can't even go to the toilet in that much time.

We are genuinely in a world that criticises women even when they are going through the biggest physical challenge of their life: pregnancy.

With a little persuasion, any familiar thing can turn abnormal in the mind. Here's a thought experiment. Consider this brutal bit of magic. A human grows a second human in a space inside her belly; she grows a second heart and a second brain, second eyes and second limbs, a complete set of second body parts as if for use as spares, and then, after almost a year, she expels that second screaming being out of her belly and into the world, alive. Bizarre, isn't it?

I would just turn into a giant pair of lips. "Oh God! There he is! It's Lip-Man!"

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

It's not easy, though, singing upside down in a headstand on a raised platform with your unfettered breasts hitting you in the chin.

Tiffany is wrestling in Jell-O.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Who can take a single step with his head?

The Olympics can no more lose money than a man can have a baby.

Can anyone be so foolish as to believe that there are men whose feet are higher than their heads, or places where things may be hanging downwards, trees growing backwards, or rain falling upwards? Where is the marvel of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon if we are to allow of a hanging world at the Antipodes?