Doug Stanhope Quotes

Raffles are no fun.

Nothing is too small. Nothing is too, quote-unquote, ordinary or insignificant. Those are the things that make up the measure of our days, and they're the things that sustain us. And they're the things that certainly can become worthy of poetry.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Nothing of importance happened today.

In those long-yardage situations, the percentages are low.

Being insignificant statistically doesn't mean it's right or wrong. It just means you don't have enough data to show yes or no.

The bad player is the one who tries to calculate and play with the odds, as if his game, his life, were one of a large number of games. To do so is at best to succumb to another necessity, the necessity of large numbers. The good player does not fool himself, and accepts that there is exactly one chance, which produces by chance the necessity and even the purpose that he experiences.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

Most of us live our lives devoid of cinematic moments.

I really think I write about everyday life. I don't think I'm quite as odd as others say I am. Life is intrinsically, well, boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course, it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.

I was perfectly happy in my boring life before you came along.

I live the most boring life, away from what you see me on camera doing. The other 300 days out of the year [not touring], I'm just the most normal person in the universe. I'm a wife. I'm a mother to my doggies. I'm a maid, and I clean the house. I'm pretty boring.

I'm going to go home. Everything is going to be normal again. Boring again. Wonderful again.

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

By the laws of statistics we could probably approximate just how unlikely it is that it would happen. But people forget especially those who ought to know better, such as yourself that while the laws of statistics tell you how unlikely a particular coincidence is, they state just as firmly that coincidences do happen.

Our critical day is not the very day of our death; but the whole course of our life.

If I let my fingers wander idly over the keys of a typewriter it might happen that my screed made an intelligible sentence. If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters they might write all the books in the British Museum. The chance of their doing so is decidedly more favourable than the chance of the molecules returning to one half of the vessel.

What is prayer but a wish for the events in your life to string together to form a story -- something that makes some sense of events you know have meaning.

History cannot be reduced to a set of statistics and probabilities.

Everything's serendipitous and there's no way of knowing who's going to get sick or who's going to get hit by a bus or who's going to fall in love and who's going to get pregnant. All the things that happen, it's up for grabs so it's kind of an exercise in surrender in a way.

There are people and places and events you'd prefer to forget or at least gloss over. In the end, you can slap a pretty label on it - like serendipity or fate. Or you can believe that it's just the random way life unfolds.

Spending practically every minute of your day on pure survival is an absolutely boring life.

We accept every person in the world as that for which he gives himself out, only he must give himself out for something. We can put up with the unpleasant more easily than we can endure the insignificant.

If we do what is necessary, all the odds are in our favor.