W. C. Fields Quotes

Lots of women love to accuse men of being immature when the fellow in question displays a reluctance to 'commit.'

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

When I was 11, I played the part of Rumpelstiltskin, and my teacher told me I would make a great actor.

Chick flick is not a term used to praise a movie. Nobody says 'it's a great chick flick.' It's a way of being derisive. I'm not clear why it's ok to do it.

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I'm a big Pacino fan. He's a great actor: so much passion and intensity.

And Brooke Elliott is a great actress.

Men are boys for such a long time and really don't start getting the great roles until they're in their mid-thirties. But then they've got a long time to do them, whereas for women, it's all about playing younger and younger and younger.

I'd like to get to the point where I can be just as mediocre as a man.

Men are pigs. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry.

Let's have an honest conversation about what's going on. A man and a man at a bar looks like mentoring. A man and a woman at a bar looks like dating.

The reason husbands and wives do not understand each other is because they belong to different sexes.

It's acceptable for men to act the fool. When women try, they're considered aggressive and opinionated.

No one has ever asked an actor, 'You're playing a strong-minded man.' We assume that men are strong-minded, or have opinions. But a strong-minded woman is a different animal.

I could have stayed home and been kept by my wife.

The word and works of God is quite clear, that women were made either to be wives or prostitutes.

It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can.

If it's a woman it's caustic, if it's a man it's authority, If it's a woman it's too pushy, if it's a man it's aggressive in the best sense of the word.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

The question I hate the most is "How did you DO it - write novels and raise your children simultaneously!" I mean, do MALE authors get asked that??

You know, it's not fair. Women are judged inferior until we prove ourselves, and men are judged superior until they prove what assholes they are.

If a guy married a woman and the guy was more famous, the world wouldn't deem it an inequal relationship. But if you have a guy marrying a woman who is more well-known, more, in quotes, "powerful," more wealthy, then there's a kind of reverse sexism that comes out, right?

The stunning part was that one time Neil McElroy the Secretary of Defense who was the father of one of our classmates spoke and basically at commencement, he told us all that our job after graduation was to get married and have interesting sons...and we all found that hard to believe.

A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.