David Nicholls Quotes

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

I think actors who take things too far are funny.

Never in a million years would I want to live at Versailles with Marie Antoinette or anybody else. I hate to tell you this but I did not even like visiting Versailles. I found it just too ornate. It was like a complete diet of cotton candy, marzipan, and whipped cream.

Some of the pictures I must say every now and then I just think are going to be funny. When it gets that much, you might as well just pull out all the stops and make it more of a burlesque.

My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.

The Stones suggested that if you dabble in decadence, you could turn into a devil-worshipping junkie. Paul McCartney suggested that if you mess around with girl worship, you could turn into a husband. So Paul was a lot scarier.

I mean you might have wanted Carrie Bradshaw, but to me she's like toddlers and tiaras gone berserk!

The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.

Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite,Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea; A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my "plan" was for taking down the Christmas tree.

My fans want my shirt. They can have my shirt. They put it on my back.

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.

Soon Hansel and Gretel came to a little cottage. When they got quite near, they saw that the little house was made of bread and roofed with cake. The windows were transparent sugar." "There must not have been a very strict building code.

So...I'm larking through the Baby Gap, looking at tiny capri pants and sweaters that cost more than ... I don't know,more than they should. And I get totally sucked in by this ridiculous, tiny fur coat. The kind of coat a baby might need to go to the ballet. In Moscow. In 1918. To match her tiny pearls.

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

The fund of sensible discourse is limited; that of jest and badinerie is infinite.

As I was reading the book [Superficial: More Adventures from the Andy Cohen Diaries] I kept thinking, "Sweetie, you are dancing as fast as you can!"

President Obama has two years left as president. I wouldn't be surprised if he gets to appoint two new Kardashian husbands.

When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

I don't see much point in doing things for a pure joke. Every now and then you need a joke, but not so much as the people who spend all their lives constructing joke palaces think you do.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Beulah has a husband?' I know. It's a miracle. There can't be more than two people on the planet who'd be willing to sleep with her, and here we are both in the same town.

A hippo sandwich is easy to make. All you do is simply take one slice of bread, one slice of cake, some mayonnaise, one onion ring, one hippopotamus, one piece of string, a dash of pepper. That ought to do it. And now comes the problem... biting into it!

You know how I feel about love. It was invented to sell wedding cakes. And vacations to Waikiki.

I'm so happy, I think I'll dress up like J. Edgar Hoover and sing show tunes.

I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.