Ashleigh Brilliant Quotes

I try to refrain from the alarmist statement, really I do. It's bad for the liver and worries the dog, who has plenty enough to worry about as it is.

If there is a remedy or a cure, a solution to a problem or difficulty, why worry?

Somewhere there is a message in the protest of the man who said, "You can't tell me that worry doesn't help. The things I worry about never happen."

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

No problem is insoluble, given a big enough plastic bag.

With the latitude of unbounded scurrility, it is easy enough to attain the character of a wit, especially when it is considered how wonderfully pleasant it is to the generality of the public to see the folly of their acquaintance exposed by a third person.

Irony: Don't let yourself be controlled by it, especially during uncreative moments.

Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all.

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Football is a game of cliches, and I believe in every one of them.

Irony is the attendant of hope and the fuel of hope is innocence.

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!

Never ignore a coincidence. Unless you're busy, in which case, always ignore a coincidence.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly excited about the day where I can't find the book, and I get to say, 'Where the hell is my anger management book?!'

I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.

I dont like quotes. You can quote me on that.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

What would we do without irony? Check out your own daily reliance on it, the foul-weather friend who's there for you when nothing else is.

I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.

Nothing sinister. Just getting exercise. Although some might consider that sinister.

I never thought of that before! It's my opinion that you never think at all.

I hate taking myself seriously. It drives me crazy!