Bret McKenzie Quotes

I never, ever see myself as a celebrity or famous, so I poke fun at that.

If I wanted to be a celebrity, I would have taken guitar lessons.

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here.

I used to do this big rant at the end of some gigs with Ben Folds Five. The band broke into this big heavy metal thing and I started as a joke to scream in a heavy metal falsetto. I found myself saying things like: Feel my pain, I am white, feel my pain.

I just became a singer, because I could never get work as an actress.

I don't even take myself seriously, so how could I possibly take Hollywood seriously?

I do see things that are funny on the net. I Googled myself the other day and found out that I was worth $250m, and that I was the highest-paid guy in show business! I wish so hard it was true. It is, of course, the complete opposite. I'm neither rich nor do I make a lot of money.

A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.

I'm an idol of cinema? Oh, wow.

For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy.

If somebody wants to think of me as a movie star, that's fine, that's great. It sort of makes me giggle.

I didn't go into acting because I wanted to be a role model.

I think pop culture would have survived without me!

Why would you want a picture with a wee, chubby guy from Bathgate? I just don't understand my appeal.

When I say I'm famous, I'm not kidding myself. I know my place in the celebrity kingdom - right at the bottom next to reality-show contestants, local politicians, and day-players on 'Law & Order.'

I don't take my image seriously. I make fun of the fact that some people think I'm a romantic figure.

I consider myself not a celebrity. I'm a normal person that likes [doing] things on stage.

Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren't famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she's famous.

I don't mind being accused of being a bad comedian and I don't even mind being accused of being a bad talk-show host, but I never want to be accused of being an arrogant, pompous showbiz asshole.

I think I became an actor because I couldn't sing.

I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's tomorrow night.

Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.

I've got this brilliant thing where I go, 'I'm Robbie Williams', and people are interested in what I want to say - which is amazing because I'm just an idiot from Stoke-on-Trent.

For the most part, comedy is the only fair part of show business.

I think it's very funny that someone would exaggerate to make himself look worse.