Anthony Jeselnik Quotes

A father is a man who expects his son to be as good a man as he meant to be.

But you know, my dad called me the laziest white kid he ever met. When I screamed back at him that he was putting down a race of people to call me lazy, his answer was that's not what he was doing, and that I was also the dumbest white kid he ever met.

if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing – missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.

Jim Swan was my father, but Reg Barnes was my dad.

I never have a problem with being black. I have a problem with the easy association of what that means to some people.

That's just how white folks will do you. It wasn't merely the cruelty involved; I was learning that black people could be mean and then some. It was a particular brand of arrogance, an obtuseness in otherwise sane people that brought forth our bitter laughter. It was as if whites didn't know they were being cruel in the first place. Or at least thought you deserved of their scorn.

I remember classes in college where the professor was espousing certain theories about how blacks were inherently less intelligent. But I learned a long time ago to give people the benefit of the doubt, not to assume that somebody was reacting to you because of race.

I wasn't aware of Ku Klux Klan as I was aware of the widespread assumption that African-Americans were dumber than white people. I think my father believed that. I think everybody white did.

Kids know nothing about racism. They're taught that by adults.

When I countered that Archie Bunker didn't have to put down a race of people to say that, he replied, 'and you're the dumbest white kid I've ever met.'

Words There is no good father, that's the rule. Don't lay the blame on men but on the bond of paternity, which is rotten. To beget children, nothing better; to have them, what iniquity!

White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!

He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.

Aw, he's just you know...entrenched," Matt said. "Gotta adjust to the perspective and deal from there." Then he added, "Not that I'd want him as my dad...." Mike practically sprayed his milk. "Dude! Can you imagine?" Then Matt gave my dad a slap on the back and said, "No way. I'm sticking with my main man here." My mom grinned from across the kitchen and said, "Me too." I'd never seen my father cry. And he didn't exactly sit there bawling, but there were definitely tears welling up in his eyes.

[On the racial backlash about Hunger Games casting]: "People should have ignored the five racist idiots.

Labels applied to people of any race are inherently offensive.

You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.

Fathers are men who give daughters away to other men who aren't nearly good enough...so they can have grandchildren who are smarter than anybody's.

...Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

At the core of these movies, Saw One and Saw Two, it's a very real situation. A guy cheats on his wife and didn't value what he had. It's the same thing in my story. Being a dad and playing someone whose last words to his son were 'go to hell'. I say to my son, the last thing I say is 'I love you'.

Classifications and distinctions based on race or color have no moral or legal validity in our society. They are contrary to our constitution and laws.

I remember after I dated this white man, nobody said anything but there was a couple of men in my family that joked after that. 'Oh yeah, we had a party when y'all broke up. Hee hee hee.' And, you know, they laughed, and it was like light and a joke. But, you know, that's real. That was real and they let me know. And, it's almost acceptable within our culture to be prejudiced toward whites because of our history. This country is loaded with racism .

The happiest and holiest children in the world are the children whose fathers succeed in winning both their tender affection and their reverential and loving fear. And they are the children who will come to understand most easily the mystery of the fatherhood of God.

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed was a father.