Joan Rivers Quotes

When you get older, your health becomes important to you, things start breaking down, you've always got a different ache or pain.

In a man's middle years there is scarcely a part of the body he would hesitate to turn over to the proper authorities.

Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age.

No man should live longer than his teeth.

I don't feel old, except in the morning once in a while, when I can't turn over properly and say, "What's that? When did that happen?" Our brain doesn't accept that. We're geared to last.

It really sucks getting older. Sometimes I'll be walking along and I'll just glance over my shoulder to make sure nothing has fallen off.

The discovery of a grey hair when you are brushing out your whiskers of a morning—first fallen flake of the coming snows of age—is a disagreeable thing.... So are flying twinges of gout, shortness of breath on the hill-side, the fact that even the moderate use of your friend's wines at dinner upsets you. These things are disagreeable because they tell you that you are no longer young—that you have passed through youth, are now in middle age, and faring onward to the shadows in which, somewhere, a grave is hid.

Age is a terrible thief. Just when you're getting the hang of life, it knocks your legs out from under you and stoops your back. It makes you ache and muddies your head and silently spreads cancer throughout your spouse.

A dissolute and intemperate youth hands down the body to old age in a worn-out state.

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree.

People don't die of old age, they die of neglect.

But with what incessant and grievous ills is old age surrounded!

The things that stop you having sex with age are exactly the same as those that stop you riding a bicycle.

I see a guy getting old. I try to not look in the mirror too much.

Old people have fewer diseases than the young, but their diseases never leave them.

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

What is it to grow old? Is it to lose the glory of the form, The lustre of the eye? Is it for Beauty to forego her wreath? Yes; but not this alone.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

It's tough getting older. You start falling apart, you know? My gums are starting to recede now. You can't tell tonight, though, 'cause I comb them forward.

Now and then may not be enough…You have to enjoy it while you’re still young. enjoy it to the fullest. You can use the memories of what you did to warm your body after you get old and can’t do it anymore.

My indigestion issues got gigantic and constant. And then I started thinking, I'm getting skinny. I dropped about 20 pounds in the blink of an eye. And then when you see it in the mirror, when all of a sudden, you pull your eyes down and the bottom of your eyes go yellow and jaundice sets in - then you know something's wrong.

I think the last couple of years of life for many, many people are the same as they were 50, 60, 70 years ago. They could be really tough because of infirmity.

I'm getting old, that's the thing! What's in me now won't be there anymore.