Lisa Lampanelli Quotes

He [Donald Trump] is the one who got him [Barack Obama] to finally produce the birth certificate. Hillary Clinton's campaign first raised this issue. He picked this up from Hillary Clinton.

I find it unnecessary, useless and frankly a bit unnecessary to get into all sorts of debates over President Obama's religion or the authenticity of his birth. I know for some people that it is an obsession. It is not with me.

In a crazy world where he would get nominated, I'd like to see Obama run against Herman Cain. That would be fantastic. If Herman Cain became president, there'd be a certain sort of morbid curiosity for me.

If Donald Trump ran for President, it would be great for us comedians. It would not be good for anybody else, but it would be terrific for us.

Donald Trump refuses to be politically correct. And just to be safe, he refuses to be correct.

Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke.

For me, Melania represents America. We're all reluctantly married to Donald Trump now. She is a vehicle to making fun of him. I can't do a Donald Trump impersonation, but I can impersonate her.

I predict after this whole thing is over, what we'll remember about the failed candidacy of Donald Trump is, 'You're fired.'

I absolutely believe that President Obama was born in the United States. I don't buy into the claims that he wasn't.

It is extremely chilling that Donald Trump views the spectacle of choosing cabinet appointments in a way that is similar to deciding whether or not to fire Lil Jon or Joan Rivers.

I love The Rock. I never want him to be president.

My least favorite joke right now is Donald Trump.

When I saw the rise of the anti-Christ Donald Trump, I was like, 'Hell no.' We can't be in a country where we love celebrities so much that we let the executive producer of 'Celebrity Apprentice' become the GOP nominee.

If I were one of the three viable presidential candidates, I doubt I'd be too broken up about someone looking into my passport file. Go ahead look, I'd say. It's the passport photo I wouldn't want anyone getting his hands on.

It's fun to perform Bernie Sanders and give his boring percentages and fact-based points to address some ridiculous Trumpisms, because that was always my fantasy for what the general election would look like.

There's so much being said about Donald Trump already, all the time, and the more you joke about him, the more you risk making the same jokes other people are making about him.

[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

They got some people that are saying, hey, elect me as president. Hey, Washington couldn't handle Si Robertson. Trust me.

Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.

Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out of Coolidge.

It's starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you're in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet.

Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed.