Conan O'Brien Quotes

I think that we may lose the argument, but I think we have to talk about gun control.

If it was up to me, if you uttered the word 'gun control,' we'd put you in jail.

It is time to pick a side.Either we stand with the gun lobby or we join the president and stand up to them.

President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.

Hillary Clinton said that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi is engaged in 'theater.' Which explains the new strategy to defeat him: casting him as the lead in 'Spider-Man: the Musical.'

I'm definitely voting for First Gentleman.

Time magazine put Chris Christie on the cover with the caption, 'The Elephant in the Room.' And People magazine named him 'Sexiest Garbage Truck in a Suit.'

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I guess you heard, Hillary Clinton has a new campaign slogan: "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

I want to protect our constitutional right to bear arms in a legal and thoughtful way with background checks that also don't want people to get shot and murdered, but it doesn't mean that you can't own a gun.

My belief is guns don't kill people, people kill people.

Guns don't walk into a theater by themselves and shoot people. You have to look at who's behind it, who's behind the trigger?

There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.

You know in the U.S. everyone has a gun in the room. That's not the reason why you go and invade the home with anti-terrorist forces.

Why are guns the only unregulated consumer products in America? We regulate toy guns and teddy bears, but we do not regulate a product that kills 4,600 children a year.

I tend to agree with my husband, that to continue the conversation about something that is an important topic, particularly now, which is that of gun control, through his narrative, which is actually what's happened, I don't think it was a conscious decision of, "That's what we're going to do," but that's what seems to have happened, and that's not a bad thing.

John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

Certainly one of the chief guarantees of freedom under any government, no matter how popular and respected, is the right of citizens to keep and bear arms. This is not to say that firearms should not be very carefully used and that definite safety rules of precaution should not be taught and enforced. But the right of citizens to bear arms is just one more guarantee against arbitrary government, and one more safeguard against tyranny which now appears remote in America, but which historically has proved to be always possible.

Not to our surprise, we discover that gun crime in Britain is up 10.9 percent since the disarmament of the private citizen.

Rick Perry is the perfect candidate for those who thought George W. Bush was just too dang cerebral. And Adios, Mofo is the perfect guide to his record, his rhetoric and his remarkable hair. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll vote.

I've been around responsible gun ownership my whole life.