Jeff Dunham Quotes

I'm probably one of the worst people with numbers you've ever met. My brothers always kid that they think I'm counting cards in Vegas, but I'm just trying to add things up.

I always thought that I was okay with arithmetic.

Whenever you can, count.

I am very bad with numbers.

I'm not good at math.

I'm bad at math.

I just am not good at math.

You know, I'm not terribly fast at my times tables, because that's not what I think mathematics is about.

Many go through life afraid of numbers and upset by numbers. They would rather amble along through life miscounting, miscalculating and, in general, mismanaging their worldly affairs than make friends with numbers.

I was rather foolish in saying that I did not like arithmetic and to learn figures when I did - I was not thinking quite what I was about. The sums can be done better, if I tried, than they are.

I was never good at math.

I am bad at numbers and math. Always was!

Numbers have always come easy to me.

I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick.

With four? Doing a little... Addition? Multiplication?

"She can't do sums a bit!" the Queens said together, with great emphasis. "Can you do sums?" Alice said, turning suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn't like being found fault with so much. The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. "I can do Addition, if you give me time-but I can do Subtraction, under any circumstances!"

I'll try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is - oh dear! I shall never get to twenty at that rate!

32 grams raw, chop it in half, get 16. Double it times three, we got 48. Which mean a whole lot of cream. Divide the profit by four. Subtract it by eight. We back to 16.

I have made number mistakes - I have such bad number dyslexia that I can look at a number and see the wrong one. I can't remember them worth beans.

In high school, a teacher once suggested that I be a math major in college. I thought, 'Me? You've got to be joking!' I mean, in junior high, I used to come home and cry because I was so afraid of my math homework. Seriously, I was terrified of math.

By all means, have you give great attention to your arithmetic, as its advantages are so many and important.

Men cannot count, they do not know that two and two make four if women do not tell them so.

I'd rather have a pencil and paper and do all my own calculations rather than rely on a machine. And I'll do most calculations in double digit multiples as quick as the machine.

I stayed away from mathematics not so much because I knew it would be hard work as because of the amount of time I knew it would take, hours spent in a field where I was not a natural.

Squaring numbers is a symmetrical process that I like very much. And when I divide one number by another, say, 13 divided by 97, I see a spiral rotating downwards in larger and larger loops that seem to warp and curve. The shapes coalesce into the right number. I never write anything down.