Mark Twain Quotes

People can't really place me. They're not really sure who I am. Sometimes they think I'm Helen Hunt. Sometimes they think I'm Laura Dern.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

I sometimes read in a gossip column that I was at a party when I was in Europe at the time. It sometimes feels I've got a Doppelganger somewhere.

They are sick in their minds. They say they brought 65 tanks into center of city. I say to you this talk is not true. This is part of their sick mind.

Stuff about me dating Kim Kardashian - I have no idea where that came from and all these other rumors. I don't think I'm that type.

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

I'm not against vodka - they just asked us. They put out some story about us entertaining international celebrities with vodka, which of course wasn't true.

We live in a world of denial, and we don't know what the truth is anymore.

I've told so many lies about my age I don't know how old I am myself.

People just usually think I'm someone else. They'll look at me twice, and I'll just say, 'Not Ellen Page.'

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

I feel genuinely sad and bewildered about news reports that are not true.

Everywhere I go, people think I'm Helen Hunt.

I get recognized all the time, but not as Haley Bennett.

On the street, I get either 'Are you the Red Viper?' or 'Are you Javier Pena?'

The funny response to 'One Mississippi' continues to be that people don't know what is true and what's fiction.

Sometimes people come to my standup show, and they think they're going to see Doug Wilson. Or they see me on the street, and they call me Doug Wilson.

Because I'm a bald, dim-witted writer, people think I couldn't possibly be her husband, so they occasionally confuse me for someone more glamorous. At O'Hare airport, a man asked if he could take Rebecca's photo. When I reflexively stepped away, he said, 'No, no, no. I want your picture too, Andre Agassi.'

My own son called me Eddie Murphy's brother once. Once.

People confuse me with Gateway.

Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.

I grew up not understanding what was true and what was not true. It gave me a sense of unreality. I was told that this man [mom's lover] was not my mother's lover - when he was. I was told he was there as a male babysitter for my brother so that he would learn sports and other manly things.

The mind conscious of innocence despises false reports: but we are a set always ready to believe a scandal.

You have always told me it was Ernest. I have introduced you to every one as Ernest. You answer to the name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying that your name isn't Ernest.

People say I slept with seven miss worlds, I didn't. It was only four, I didn't turn up for the other three