David Levithan Quotes

American voters tend to make their decisions based on a variety of vectors. Professional political satirists employ rather more scientific criteria. Namely: who will provide us with better material over the next four years?

Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3.

If pigs could fly, yes, of course I would vote for the Democratic Party, but pigs don't fly.

I voted against Gerald Nabarro in my first general election, but my defiance made no difference. If you had put a Conservative rosette on a mustachioed hamster, it would have been elected.

A worker voting for Mitt Romney is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

I'd like to run for office someday, but I'm afraid my ability to spell might give me an unfair advantage.

Really, what's not to love in John McCain, satire-wise? As if he had not already been good enough to us, then came his nomination of Sarah Palin. Here, truly, was a gift from the gods of satire.

I didn’t think that I would ever get elected. After all, you don’t vote for somebody who is attacking Santa Claus.

People lose their sense of humor in [presidential] campaigns.

I've just concluded - since President Obama endorses the same-sex marriage, advocates homosexual people, and enjoys an attractive countenance - thus if it becomes necessary, I shall travel to Washington, D.C., get down on my knee, and ask his hand.

You call my candidate a horse thief, and I call yours a lunatic, and we both of us know it's just till election day. It's an American custom, like eating corn on the cob. And, afterwards, we settle down quite peaceably and agree we've got a pretty good country - until next election.

Every time I see Trump on TV these days, I'm waiting for him to burst out, 'Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!' That would make sense to me - that this has all been one long 'Saturday Night Live' sketch.

'SNL' has always been known for its ability to skewer politics, and the circus that was Palin's bid to be Vice President was ripe for parody.

I've got genuine political reasons for not voting for David Cameron. He's got a tiny little mouth.

Nothing is off-limits. There's just some things I cannot crack. Politics I can't do. When I start to talk about it, I just get really angry and super sincere. I have never found a way to craft all of that absurdity into funny.

Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?

Even for natives, French satire is rarely laugh-out-loud funny. Its unspoken punch line is typically that things have gone irrevocably wrong, and the government is to blame.

You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.

Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower. Oh yeah, well I'm so insane, I voted for Eisenhower TWICE!

Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow.

During the Democratic presidential debate Howard Dean started off by apologizing to the crowd for having a cold. Then John Kerry apologized for once having a cold while serving his country in Vietnam.

I don't do jokes about elections so that's probably why it went okay for me, except for the crazy people that are hate-crime people.

All I know is just what I read in the Congressional Record. They have had some awful funny articles in there lately. As our government deteriorates, our humor increases.