David Letterman Quotes

My children were attacked by the Minnesota media when I was governor.

I think recent revelations about who's in what bed speak to the problems with what happened in the Gulf.

There is nothing likely to get you a bigger headline than attacking your own party.

Clinton's pardoning of Marc Rich was off-the-wall.

One thing I congratulate everyone on is the great explosion which has occurred in Washington's Black House and the very important scandal which has gripped leaders of America.

Just when you think you've heard it all from Team Obama, the next day brings another jaw-dropper.

To compare Whitewater to Watergate is a travesty.

I was never for Richard Nixon until Watergate.

Any man familiar with public life realizes the foul gossip which ripples just under the surface about almost every public man, and especially about every President

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

I did not have sexual relations with that woman–Miss Lewinsky.

This is not politics. This is garbage. And we are disgusted by it. To those who are departed who sought in some, quote, clever, unquote way, to tarnish the reputation of Tom Foley, I say, good riddance.

Bill Clinton smoked Marijuana but he didn't inhale, he spent time with a woman but he didn't sleep with her, he received a draft notice but didn't read it. Why give him the White House; he won't use it.

I don't think anyone in this country wants to hear anything about President Trump from below the waist, below the belt.

Michael Cohen is a criminal and Michael Cohen is a political prop.

Clinton masturbates in the sinks.

The president is on national TV apologizing for getting oral sex. Why didn't he just stick with his lie? You got to stick with your lie. If you lie, you have to believe that lie whole-heartedly. It has to become the truth for you. But this man, the most powerful man in the world, is on national TV apologizing for receiving oral sex. He's an idiot. There are men sitting in here right now who would gladly accept oral sex on national TV.

When the wind is right, a faint odor of kerosene is exhaled from Senator McCarthy.

There is a new book out about Hillary Clinton that claims Bill is still having affairs but Hillary continues to look the other way. The only problem is when Hillary does look the other way Bill's having sex with a women over there too.

An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.'

I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time - never. These allegations are false.

Personally, I think that Hillary was one of the worst, if not the worst, I mean if you look at the record, secretary of States ever, ever in this country. I think that's the bigger problem that she's got. I don't think Benghazi is as big a problem for her as her past and what's happened. The world blew up around her.

You've got David Petraeus and whatever the pushback might be against [Donald Trump].

We in the Senate refer to Sen. Gillibrand as the hottest member.

That was a sarcastic remark pointing out that Bill Clinton has, quite a past, and Hillary Clinton has done quite a job on attacking the people who were victims of Bill Clinton.