Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I love food. I'm a complete foodie. I love to cook. I find it very hard to say no to food. I get grumpy if I don't get food.

No more turkey, but I'd like some more of the bread it ate.

You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc.

I love food, man! If it doesn't eat me first, I'll pretty much eat it.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.

Well, I always say that the two things I was most disastrous at in my life, being a teenager and being a wife, were the two things I really wound up cashing in on when I was writing fluffy magazine pieces.

I'm a girl who eats, I love to eat.

First and foremost, I just want to write comedy.

I'm not much of a joke writer.

I'm not a foodie - I'm an eater: I'm hungry.

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

I love to eat. I'm not the biggest guy, but I love to eat.

I am trying to work out what my taste is, comedy-wise. I look up to stand up comedians who appear to be telling the truth, but I don't mind if they are lying.

I always thought that the fastest way for me to get ahead and get noticed and to do well was to make my act very accessible. When I first started, I talked about family stuff, my dog, my cat. It was all I knew back then; I wasn't forcing anything, but I wasn't like, 'Hey, don't you hate doing homework?'

If the writing is good, then the writing is already funny. All you have to do is make this funny writing true to the very deepest of your heart, and the fact that you are capable of making this true will be hysterical.

I'm not so funny. Gilda was funny. I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. But she was funny. She spent more time worrying about being liked than anything else.

I don't like comedians who don't have conviction, and with stand-up, it is always best to have an angle.

I tried do stand-up, and I was horrible. And I'll never do it again.

A humorist doesn't really do that much note-taking.

The only thing I know how to do is be funny - that's it.

Writing 'Jughead' in general is a pleasure because - and I think a lot of very tall guys can agree with me on this - there was a time in my teenage years where I just ate all the time and never got full.

I think I'm funnier in my writing than in person.

I always really loved comedy. It's the only thing I was ever good at.

I know from doing stand-up, I don't want to do a joke that I don't trust.