Phyllis Diller Quotes

Fur is not murder, but it is quite expensive.

I got a fur shawl once. I was so disgusted! And I couldn't re-gift it. I don't know anyone who'd want fur.

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

In a meat-eating world, wearing leather for shoes and clothes and even handbags, the discussion of fur is childish.

It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all seriously!

There is no need for fur - since there are compassionate alternatives.

The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.

Nice tights," I snorted. Or I tried to snort, anyway. I'm not exactly sure how, though people in books are always doing it.

I've got a black woolen hat and it's got Pervert written across the front of it. It's the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn't think. I just put my hat on Clara's head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn't figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby's wearing a hat with the word Pervert written on it and these people were like, 'There's Satan! There's Satan out with his kid!' And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there.

[Fur] is really ridiculous. It's outrageous. We're not living in igloos. We don't need to trade pelts anymore. There is this diabolical idea that fur is fashionable. It's not. It's death. There's no excuse for it.

You cannot fake chic but you can be chic and fake fur

I just do little jokes all the time and people think I'm serious. I know exactly who Gordon Ramsay is, I know exactly who Gordon Brown is... I just say jokes but they think I'm serious which I think is funny and I think I kind of play up the image sometimes because - whatever - it's just entertainment.

We [with Andrew Ridgeley] didn't expect people to take it seriously. But naturally they did, and they thought we were a couple of wankers.

Everyone is a comedy. If people are laughing at you, they just don't quite understand the joke that is themselves.

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

I'm a jokester, so when I was joking on Twitter, it kinda rubbed people the wrong way. And I was like, I didn't make these up. I'm just letting you know they're there.

You might be a redneck if someone tells you you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.

It's harder when people are playing along, because it's just not as funny. They're trying to be funny, and it sort of cancels out the whole joke.

Oh, I've got glitter in my hair. That's not all that's in my hair, I'll tell you that. I glue it on every morning, whether I need to or not.

It is a challenge. When you do things that are comedy, you're having to look at the funnier side of life. Often I find Christians - but not just Christians, (any) people who have a certain core belief of things - don't like to have fun made of them at all.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

People who go for humor are wonderful because they do great humor. People who go for wit and end up with humor are people who have made a mistake.

I am but too conscious of the fact that we are born in an age when only the dull are treated seriously, and I live in terror of not being misunderstood.

Aimwell: Then you understand Latin, Mr. Bonniface? Bonniface: Not I, Sir, as the saying is, but he talks it so very fast that I'm sure it must be good.

I always advise people never to give advice.