Doug Stanhope Quotes

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

The first 3 years of a person’s life determines the next 80 years.

It's very difficult to speak to a large group of people these days and not offend someone. I know people walk around with their feelings on their shoulders waiting for you to say something - ahh - did you hear that? And they can't hear anything else you say. The PC police are out in force at all times.

It never occurs to you when you are very young to need something other than what your parents have to offer you.

A word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can.

It's now very common to hear people say 'I'm rather offended by that'.

Political correctness is a minefield

If you get offended by words - by noises we make with our mouths - it means you were raised by bad parents.

I always like to see enlightened parents like that; it gives me hope for the future.

Badgered, snubbed and scolded on the one hand; petted, flattered and indulged on the other-it is astonishing how many children work their way up to an honest manhood in spite of parents and friends. Human nature has an element of great toughness in it.

I met my father for the first time when I was 28 years old. I made up my mind that when I had children, my children were going to know who their father was.

Political correctness is the the inability to state certain truths because they may offend certain people

When I was a child at sixteen, I was just a child. All sixteen year-olds are just children. As much as we like them to be adults, they are just children. And like all children, they need their mother, and they need their father. All children need their mother and their father. All children are entitled to their mother and their father.

Thus parents, by humouring and cockering them when little, corrupt the principles of nature in their children, and wonder afterwards to taste the bitter waters, when they themselves have poison'd the fountain.

Start, as parents, with yourselves, number one.

Teachers, who educate children, deserve more honour than parents, who merely gave them birth; for the latter provided mere life, while the former ensure a good life.

Parents who indulge themselves 'in moderation' may have children who indulge themselves to excess.

All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves.

When I started doing magic as a kid, my parents had no problem.

The child’s parents are not his makers but his guardians.

The thing you can do better than anyone else is love your children, because they're your children.

The children of childish parents age quickly.

My sense of humor doesn't translate well into print, some of the things I say can be offensive or found offensive even though I don't mean them that way. So I have been told to try and censor myself here and there. I'm trying, but I'm not really succeeding at it.

when we are young our parents run our life; when we get older, our children do.