Greg Giraldo Quotes

This is the patent age of new inventions for killing bodies, and for saving souls. All propagated with the best intentions.

I mean, I'll say the filthiest things in the world, but when it comes down to it, I'm kind of a prude.

I live by the code 'Kill them with kindness, blood everywhere;' for me, it's always about being the nicest kind of guy.

Marilyn Manson is a criticism of gimmickry, while being itself a gimmick.

I have a number of vices, one of which is moderation.

How well he's read, to reason against reading!

A critic is a legless man who teaches running.

The satirist who writes nothing but satire should write but little - or it will seem that his satire springs rather from his own caustic nature than from the sins of the world in which he lives.

I'm not one to sit here and judge here. But I think it's funny that the people that condemn the adult industry the most are the ones consuming the product the most.

Irony, I feel, is a very high form of morality.

Barack Obama says that we need to be humble toward terrorism. Yet he is the one we have been waiting for. That is humble?

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

The upholders of Capitalism are dreamers and visionaries who, instead of doing good with evil intentions do evil with the best intentions.

Cannibals are not vegetarians; they too are humanitarians.

… when a Library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.

Nobody's wrong but England – and England's always wrong, Too late – or else too early – too soft – or else too strong. And when for once the wide world begins to praise her name Her own sons crowd and hurry to shout her back to shame.

Those who are fond of setting things to rights, have no great objection to seeing them wrong.

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

Seneca devoted much of his time to writing essays in praise of poverty, and in lending money at usurious rates.

I'm not a bad guy... I'm just good guy that runs over women with his car.

The dramatic critic who is without prejudice is on the plane with the general who does not believe in taking human life.

Altruists, with thin, weak voices, denounce Christ as an egoist. Egoists (with even thinner and weaker voices) denounce Him as an altruist.

When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you've been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you've got Type 2 Diabetes... It's in bad taste if nothing else.

The melancholy have the best sense of the comic, the opulent often the best sense of the rustic, the dissolute often the best sense of the moral, and the doubter often the best sense of the religious.

John McCain said that Sarah Palin is still a force in the Republican Party. Then he got in his car and backed over his mailbox.