E. W. Howe Quotes

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

I absolutely refuse to reveal my age. What am I - a car?

Patrick Wilson is my brother-in-law - we married sisters.

We've all been that young love, trying to impress the in-laws or having these crazy cousins that we're related to by blood - we can't choose them as sort of friends, but they're there.

My age is my own private business and I intend to keep it so - if I can. I am not so old that I am ashamed of my age and I am not so young that I couldn't have written my book and that is all the public needs to know about my age.

Oh, my God. I've just told you how old I am. Nobody knows how old I am. I'm going to have to kill you now.

If you have a mother-in-law with only one eye and she has it in the center of her forehead, don't keep her in the living room.

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Of all the peoples whom I have studied, from city dwellers to cliff dwellers, I always find that at least 50 percent would prefer to have at least one jungle between themselves and their mothers-in-law.

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.

Neurotic means he is not as sensible as I am, and psychotic means he's even worse than my brother-in-law.

Saw him where?" "While I was sitting outside with one of my half aunts." This seemed to satisfy Ronan was well, because he asked, "What's the other half of her?" "God, Ronan," Adam said. "Enough.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and outlaws here this afternoon.

If anyone asks how old I am, tell them it's none of their business!

Bringing all 45 members of my crazy family together, and watching them argue is super awesome. It's good to do it just once a year.

Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

I love my mother-in-law and I think I'm a really good one, too.

[On writing her first poem at age eight:] An ode to my dead mother and father, who were both alive and pretty pissed off.

I don't know what you two are up to," Hobart said. "But you be careful now, you hear? Don't do anything I wouldn't do." "Well now, that doesn't restrict us very much, does it?" Mark teased back.

I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.