Hans-Hermann Hoppe Quotes

I'm a politician, and as you know, politicians are rarely very funny.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

Democrats are dumb and Republicans are stupid, but the difference between dumb and stupid is dumb isn't funny. Dumb is when you say something and the whole room goes, 'What did he say?'

Let's face it. If I was funnier than Ronald Reagan, I would have won in 1980. And he'd be up here tonight trying to laugh away the Bush deficit.

A child deserves the maximum respect.

I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience.

I think politics is extremely funny in and of itself.

I do enjoy Dennis Miller, I do enjoy Chris Rock when they do their political humor, but it's never been my goal... I love relatable humor.

Most of us had never seen a sober redneck before, and we have the Reagan Landslide to testify that none of us ever wants to see one again. It was a horrifying apparition. And ever since Jimmy Carter, all of us rednecks have had to be very careful to be drunk rednecks lest we turn into some kind of awful creature with big buck teeth and a State Department full of human-rights yahoos.

Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

I was home alone watching George Bush speak on television. So it was just really the two of us. And as I listened to him, I realized, that one of us... was nuts! And for the first time ever, I went, 'Wow, it's not me!'

Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out of Coolidge.

We must protect families, we must protect children, who have inalienable rights and should be loved, should be taken care of physically and mentally, and should not be brought into the world only to suffer.

I think what we've done is given children a lot of things that they didn't ask for instead of what they do want.

The issue we are reluctant to talk about is even more sensitive than condoms. The issue - and I will try to be tasteful here - is that sometimes it seems like maybe the president of the United States is kind of dumb. If you get what I mean. What I mean is, I am not totally confident that the president would get what I mean, unless several aides explained it to him. And even then, he might forget.

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

In democracy both a deep reverence and a sense of the comic are requisite.

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.

Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

When George Bush finally leaves the White House, the satire industry will briefly join the rest of the economy in recession. It will certainly be the end of an era.