Steven Wright Quotes

I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen.

I know that I'm going to die and that you're going to die. I can't do anything about that. But I can explore it through a metaphor and make a kind of funny, dark story about it, and in doing so, really exhaust and research as many aspects of it as I can imagine. And in a way, that does give me some closure.

It is as natural to die as to be born; and to a little infant, perhaps, the one is as painful as the other.

I've been present at birth, and death is just as present and in equal balance. And I've been present at death, and birth is just as present, again in equal balance.

We were equals once when we lay new-born babes on our nurse's knees. We will be equal again when they tie up our jaws for the last sleep.

Birth and death; we all move between these two unknowns.

They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it's night once more.

The drama of life begins with a wail and ends with a sigh.

The two most mysterious things in our lives are birth and death. They are both miraculous events; one brings shiny, brand new life into the world, and the other snuffs it out like that. That person isn't there anymore.

In my own works I am an obsessionist. Though I write humorous music too, much of it has been obsessed by death and the tragic.

Many of us come into the world with a clenched fist, but we all leave with an open hand.

I turned 40, got married, got a kid, and my mother passed away. I experienced life and death, with the enjoyment of creating life and the loss, within one year.

The day after Paul Newman was dead, he was twice as dead.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

O death where is thy sting? The man is never on time.

If you were not born in this world, there would be no need to die. To be born in this world is to die, to disappear [laughing].

We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, "I wish I hadn't been born?" Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?

Is it so unjust that a man should leave the world by the same gate through which he entered it?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

For death, Now I know, is that first breath Which our souls draw when we enter Life, which is of all life center.

My epitaph? My epitaph will be, 'Curiosity did not kill this cat'.

Folks, I'm telling you, birthing is hard and dying is mean- so get yourself a little loving in between.

Can I ask you a question?" "You already have." He paused, considering. "Can I ask you two questions, then?" "You already have.