Glenn Kelman Quotes

Wit is educated insolence.

Rick Steiner is so stupid, it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty.

I took a test once; they said I was a genius.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

People of humor are always in some degree people of genius.

I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.

I stood up for what I believed in starting businesses.

I've often thought of successful entrepreneurs as individuals who have just the right expertise - at just the right moment - to solve the emerging problems of their time.

You can't deny the truth. And that's what makes smart comedy so good.

I think about people like Jeff Bezos or Reed Hastings, and I really marvel at the stamina they've had to keep on trucking no matter what happens.

Ridicule is also a weapon against forces of evil. Really clever, intelligent ridicule.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am all about money. I mean, just look how well my line of zodiac-inspired toe rings and homeopathic children's medications are selling on Home Shopping Network.

Trust me. I'm a genius.

The more you know, the more you can make fun of

If we did not know all His retorts by heart, if we had not taken the sting out of them by incessant repetition in the accents of the pulpit, and if we had not somehow got it into our heads that brains were rather reprehnsible, we should reckon Him among the greatest wits of all time. Nobody else, in three brief years, has achieved such an output of epigram.

Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.

Those who object to wit are envious of it.

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine.

Mockery is often the result of a poverty of wit.

I may not be Einstein but I know dumb plus dumb equals you.