Stephen Colbert Quotes

Look, I debate for a living so I don't need to learn any lessons from amateurs.

People have said I can come off a little trial-lawyerish. I tell people I never actually became a lawyer, but I play one at City Hall.

I was on the debate team.

I'm not good at debating - I'm much better at pontificating.

My first debate in high school--"Resolved: Girls are no good"--and I won!

So I'd be quite happy to have a three-hour Lincoln-Douglas-style debate with Barack Obama. I'd let him use a teleprompter. I'll just rely on knowledge. We'll do fine.

I was on the speech team, we called it forensics.

I made lots of talks and challenged lots of people.

I love arguing. I always say that I'll never win a physical battle, but I can always win a mental battle. I mean, not really, because I never really argue with anyone.

William Jennings Bryan is a much better orator than I am. I have to think.

I always thought Jon Stewart was an extremely good surgeon with his scalpel. He would have Republicans on who, I guess, were unclear about what Stewart was up to, and while Jon Stewart was being nice, he was building a case for drowning them.

I want to win every debate and I think I do.

True disputants are like true sportsmen: their whole delight is in the pursuit.

I've earned this microphone. No one gave this to me. I've earned this microphone. I use it each day to enter the arena of ideas, and do whatever I can to persuade you to agree with me.

Oratory is the power of beating down your adversary's arguments and putting better in their place.

There's nothing like a debate to teach one quickness. I often wish I had gone in for them when I was a youngster. It would have helped me no end.

It is a thing of no great difficulty to raise objections against another man's oration, it is a very easy matter; but to produce a better in it's place is a work extremely troublesome.

When you get me a good man made out of arguments, I will get you a good dinner with reading you the cookery book.

Mostly, we argued about who which of us was better at arguing, and particularly about who had won the previous argument.

I don't know anything about press conferences." "Oh, just Google it. I'm sure someone's written an article on holding a successful one. I mean, if the President can manage it, I'm sure you can. He looks like he can barely tie his shoes without help.

The legal profession, politics and acting are very closely tied: the whole point is to have an idea and get it across to a listener, whether it is one person or five thousand in a hall.

Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.

I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.

A good debater can be a good communicator. You have to communicate when you're president of the United States, and communicate effectively with the American people, and with the world.

I've got this brilliant thing where I go, 'I'm Robbie Williams', and people are interested in what I want to say - which is amazing because I'm just an idiot from Stoke-on-Trent.