Groucho Marx Quotes

Why would I kill someone I don't know, when I know so many people who irritate me, and havent't killed any of them?

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

Above all things, I must not get angry. If I do get angry I knock all the teeth out of the mouth of the poor wretch who has angered me.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I don't have a dark side at all. I just like violence.

There was one point in time that I wasn't fighting, and I was frustrated and I was getting in trouble.

Fighting angry and fighting mad isn't good.

What was your secret?" That brought another smile. "Learn to laugh, otherwise, you'll beat them to death with a hammer first chance

I forget the derivation of Boxing Day, but the feeling of wanting to invite your loved ones outside one at a time and punch them in the face, does that come into it somewhere?

Gert: Wake me when the fight scene's over. Kitty Pryde: Oy, tell me about it. Hey, I'm Kitty. You the token pacifist of your group? Gert: Not exactly. Pacifists are like vegans, I'm more of a vegetarian. I enjoy fish and occasional maulings.

Son, never throw a punch at a redwood.

I don't understand if you get caught in a fight, but take it out on a room, how that implies some psychiatric disorder.

It's great to be mean, it is, it's fun.

I never had a desire to hurt anybody. I have at certain times had violent urges, but I don't think I ever have hurt anybody. Tried to a couple times, but I don't think I have. Yeah, guess I have. In high school. I was dirty then. Kick 'em. I might not've hurt 'em, though, they might've just been afraid of me.

A policeman, as you discover, has to put up with a hell of a lot of abuse. A man in any other line of work would nail a guy who laid that kind of abuse on him. I know I would.

I'm not as impatient as I used to be. I used to hit people if I didn't like what they were saying. Just lash out. 'Bam - shut up! Hahahah!' I was terrible.

He punched me. If that's his best punch, he'll be in trouble some day.

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.

I like fighting. I get into rows all the time.

Indulge not thyself in the passion of anger; it is whetting a sword to wound thine own breast, or murder thy friend.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

When you're mad at someone, it's probably best not to break his arm with a baseball bat.

Don’t swear; fight!

I get angry when people push people around.