Neil Gaiman Quotes

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.

[On masturbation:] I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.

Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure.

… most censorship took place in the heads of writers, and what the writers failed to cut usually got filtered out by editors in publishing houses.

I used to think masturbation was not really sex because it only involved me. That's a very limited view of human sexuality, and it isn't going to work for women.

Do you know what 'masturbation' is? I think you probably do because you are older than me. But just in case, I will tell you. Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow!

You just sit home and masturbate. The phone is going to ring soon, but you just can't wait.

Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs.

I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.

As far as "uncut" I think we all know that you guys cut up the special. Originally it was going to be 2 hours plus and it got chopped down so I said "we can't use those words because it's not going to represent me right".

I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life.

Removed from its more restrictive sense, masturbation has become an expression for everything that has proved, for lack of human contact, to be void of meaning. We have communication problems, suffer from egocentrism and narcissism, are frustrated by information glut and loss of environment; we stagnate despite the rising GNP.

Masturbation is the thinking man's television.

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

Masturbation is a democratic pleasure, practiced by rich and poor, young and old, married and single.

Masturbation is great for the right arm

I think that there's nothing wrong with masturbation. If you're not feeling good about your own sexuality and your own body, you're not going to feel good about anything else.

I don't like a kind of workshop that is about editing--I don't want to sit there and be an editor. I don't want to tell someone how to "fix" a poem.

We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".

After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.

Well, I hope your hard self enjoys flogging the bishop tonight!

We all have our individual romantic or idealistic ideas. To get information that masturbation is our basic form of sex is hard, because who wants to admit they're masturbating?

Masturbation is good for the right arm.

I'm a promoter of masturbation. Don't sleep around...learn yourself first! Guys do it, but girls don't. They should.

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.