Joan Rivers Quotes

The smoke alarm went off in the hallway upstairs, either to let us know the battery had just died or because the house was on fire.

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

The only unitasker allowed in my kitchen is a fire extinguisher.

Walter Plinge said: "You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer!" "Oh, yes," said Nanny. "About houses on fire, I expect..." "Yes! What would I take out of our house if it was on fire!" "I expect you were a good boy and said you'd take your mum," said Nanny. "No! My mum would take herself!" "What would you take out then, Walter?" Nanny said. "The fire!

One day, when we were coming back from school, we saw this big cloud of smoke coming up, and all these fire-trucks in the yard. The garage was burning down. I was 14, and we'd lost everything.

Every school should have well-rehearsed emergency response protocols covering a variety of possible scenarios, from fire to armed intruders. Schools should have good lines of communications with local emergency response officials and practice those relationships in drills and special exercises.

Working with Tracy Morgan on '30 Rock' is really great. I love Tracy. He's wonderful. Well, until his fish tank caught fire - his apartment burned up and flooded my apartment. We live in the same building, but I'm eight floors below him and we had to evacuate.

If your house is burning, wouldn't you try and put out the fire?

My problem is, if any place I'm sleeping catches on fire, I've got a problem because it takes me 20 minutes to get everything moving in the morning.

My colleagues, we're here to smoke the little bugger out.

What we need as much as money is consensus about how we live [with fire] in that countryside [prone to forest fires] or at least agreement about how to decide…. More than 72,000 communities are at risk and only 20% have a plan for protection.

If I wasn't prepared knowing every year there is a huge chance of a fire that will require me to evacuate my property, then I'm an ignoramus. If people at this point don't see that terrorism is a reality, and don't take steps to prepare themselves a little more than they were the day before, then they are also an irresponsible ignoramus.

I once lived in a cottage made entirely of wood, and there was an electrical fire. We all ran outside, and no one got hurt, but the house was demolished.

It is critical that firefighters and emergency responders have the proper equipment, training and staffing to do their jobs.

Once I was hosting an important dinner party at our house - everything was perfect, candles were lit, the house smelled amazing with great food and drinks ready. We lit a fire and the flue wasn't able to open, unbeknownst to us. We smoked out the entire house and the fire department had to come - it was a mess.

I'm afraid of a gas leak, although I installed detectors. I'm afraid of a blown fuse that could cause a fire, and that's why I don't turn on electrical appliances at night.

When you advertise fire extinguishers, open with the fire.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are not blocking a fire exit.

Suppose you had a small electrical fire and... a structural engineer [looked] at your home's wiring [and] reports that the wiring is "shot" and there is a 50% chance that your house would burn down in the next few years unless you replace all the wiring. The job will cost $20,000... so you get an independent assessment. The next engineer agrees with the first warning. You can either continue to shop for additional evaluations until you find the one engineer in 1,000 that is willing to give you the answer you want, "Your family is not in danger" or you can change the wiring.

Hee that burnes his house warmes himselfe for once.

With gas cookers and chip pans in every kitchen, the chip-pan fire was by far the most popular method these Proddies had for burning their houses down. The second technique was the ever popular chimney fire and number three had to be the drunken cigarette drop on the carpet. Mind you, why they'd be cooking chips at this hour was anyone's guess.

Often we use the word problem only because we have not learned that imagination and creativity can handle the situation.

To use your head, you have to go out of your mind.

If he were on fire, he couldn't act as if he were burning. He can't out-act me on the big screen.

The trouble with an alarm clock is that what seems sensible when you set it seems absurd when it goes off