Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Whenever I'm in the U.K., people say I have an American accent. Which is, obviously, funny.

Everybody knew that I could type pretty well.

On the traditional computer keyboard, I'm a super-fast touch typist. I mastered touch typing in high school.

I have sung in all languages, and so every people know me - Gujarati, Punjabi, Tamil, Telugu.

I don't type fast. I type with three fingers - two on one hand, and I only get one going on the other. I think my thumb's in there, but I'm not sure. I may be no better than an orangutan when it comes to that.

I have a funny accent in every language.

The only thing I can do is type. I learned that when I was 13.

I also had this mistaken dream, fantasy really - perhaps because I'm good at languages - of being able in both Italy and France to become someone else through my fluency in the language.

Languages are the pedigrees of nations.

Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican.

This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

I may speak many languages, but there remains one in which I live.

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.

You'll hear people say it's racist to test. Folks, it's racist not to test. Because guess who gets shuffled through the system oftentimes? Children whose parents don't speak English as a first language, inner-city kids. It's so much easier to quit on somebody than to remediate.

I'm bi-lots of things but lingual isn't one of them. Wait, did I mean to say that?

Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

Aimwell: Then you understand Latin, Mr. Bonniface? Bonniface: Not I, Sir, as the saying is, but he talks it so very fast that I'm sure it must be good.

We've been speaking English as a second language so long that we've forgotten it as our first.

He would always speak the language of the heart with an awkward foreign accent.

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

I had no voice to talk with because she was my whole language.