Groucho Marx Quotes

She's magnificent," Radius said, smiling proudly as he vaulted the steps and followed Aphrodite. "I can think of a lot of m words that she could be. Magnificent isn't one of them," Stark grumbled. "Mental and mean pop into my head," I said. "Manure pops into mine," Stark said. "Manure?" "I think she's full of shot, but it's too many words and doesn't start with an m, so that's as close as I could get," he said.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Instant gratification takes too long.

Barack Obama, foreign policy wizard. I just have to laugh.

I've done pretty well as a professional fed-up. The tools of my trade so far have been irony, tongue-in-cheek mockery, and supercilious contempt, but these are highly civilized weapons designed for 18th-century French salons.

My advice to young people - wait until it's your turn. Just kidding, sorta.

I'm a very good clearer-upper!

I'm all about being self-deprecating because I think it's hilarious. Any actor who takes themselves seriously just needs to stop being such a piece of s**t.

Not very good, I am afraid. But now really, do not you think Udolpho the nicest book in the world?" "The nicest—by which I suppose you mean the neatest. That must depend upon the binding.

There are two types of people in the world: those who think everyone needs therapy, and those who have never been.

Nice dress you're almost wearing. You ever think about changing professions?" -Ranger

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much.

Don't go see the movies, I'm a troll. I think the movie was great, but their biggest mistake was me.

As for George Bush of Kennebunkport, Maine- personally I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the Sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

The president already has a Nobel Prize for peace. I think he's shooting for one in fiction.

Hugh consoled me, saying, "Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at." When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think.

Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big.

I think in business, you have to learn to be patient. Maybe I'm not very patient myself. But I think that I've learned the most is be able to wait for something and get it when it's the right time.

The more I think you over, the more it comes home to me what an unmitigated Middle Victorian ass you are!

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

That's sort of what I wanted to make fun of a little bit with Don Jon. And I think oftentimes, if you're going to talk about a sort of substantial topic like this, the best way to do it is with a sense of humor.

The FBI announced today that they are now looking for Osama bin Laden's financial adviser. You think this guy is in demand. How good can he be? his top client is living in a cave and driving a donkey. It doesn't sound like he is getting the best return on his investments to me.

I can be much more sarcastic and, I think, sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.