Simone Elkeles Quotes

"Hello, Max," he said quietly, searching my face. "How do you feel?" Which was a ten on the 'imbecilic question' scale of one to ten. "Why, I feel fine, Jeb," I said brightly. "How about you?" "Any nausea? Headache?" "Yep. And it's standing here talking to me."

You know what burns me? Matches.

to my thinking, it is more pitiable to bore than to be bored.

Don't ask me any questions right now. I'm grumpy and I'll probablly make fun of you. -Effie Kaligaris

Sing!" Grandpa Smedry yelled, his voice echoing down a hallway to the right."Sing!" If he breaks into song I think I might have to strangle myself... I thought, cringing.

Oh, I get it," I said. "It's a parable. Cute. Let's go eat.

Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money.

Next time I’ll just send the three of you e-mails. What was I thinking when I decided to have this meeting? (Acheron) Oh, I know. That men who are a couple of thousand years old could actually behave like grownups? (Nick) (Zarek elbowed Nick in the stomach.) Oops. Involuntary arm spasm. (Zarek)

If you ask me if I'm okay again, I'm going to smack myself in the face just to punish you.

My mind reels with sarcastic replies.

If you tell me I'm sensible in addition to normal and wise, I'm going to punch you in the stomach.

I literally feel pity for a lot of the stupid idiots that I have to deal with.

Well, excuuuuuse me!

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

People with no humor, they're outta my life.

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

If I get one more person telling me I look like Eliot Spitzer, I'm just going to have to play the guy one day.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Sometimes I used to think to myself, 'Have I lost a sense of humor?' but I don't think that I have. I think one can be as snarky and sarcastic as lots of people, but I have never found that it makes me particularly happy.

Give me a break.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Some people have told me that I'm grumpy; it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.

I hate goofballs.