Eugene Mirman Quotes

I think virgins are far more interesting to write about. If we've been around the block a few times, we know what to expect. Not so with virgins.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

I didn't have sex until I was 23 and that was with a man. I made up for lost time after that in a hurry. I wish I could have had sex when I was, like, 14, 15 or 16 because that's such an exciting age to have sex.

I do owe Mickey one thing: he taught me how much I enjoyed sex.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

At the age of ten, I thought if a boy kissed you on the lips, you would have a baby, and I surely wasn't the only youngster who believed that!

My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

I grew up in the Fifties and early Sixties, which were still quite conservative, and I wasn't given any information about sex or anything like that... I went out with girls at school because one had to. I didn't experiment with sex for quite a long time.

I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup - just pleased to be there.

The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was over after just 45 minutes.

I’ve had many, you know, happy ending sleepovers’in my early youth — my period of exploration. I think that’s essential. Anyone who hasn’t had a gay moment is probably trying to avoid some confrontation with a reality in their life.

What laughter is to childhood, sex is to adolescence.

The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.

I lost my virginity when I was 14. And I haven't been able to find it.

I have tried sex with both men and women. I found I liked it.

In high school I had sex with girls quite a few times. They were straight women who I convinced to jump in the sack with me.

I was very young. I thought I knew a lot and I really didn't. I trusted the wrong people.

I think my lack of 'Pokemon' knowledge and complete confusion at the descriptions makes people think I'm adorable, like a lost baby duckling or your grandmother trying to use an iPad.

I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.

If our sex life were determined by our first youthful experiments, most of the world would be doomed to celibacy. In no area of human experience are human beings more convinced that something better can be had only if they persevere.

People will begin to explore all the sidestreets of sexual experience, but they will do it intellectually. . . . Sex won't take place in the bed, necessarily--it'll take place in the head!

I was never told a thing about sex. So I was very naive, as were my friends as well. But I - me so especially.

I had no clue what anyone was talking about like, you know I don't think I, I don't think any of the depictions of sex were more to me than just like an image of two people's arms rubbing together [when I was eight], I just had no clue.

I didn't really know what I was until I came to America and I had sex [for the first time] in San Francisco in 1970. It was with someone of my own sex.

If she did experience sex-or something close to it-in high school, I'm sure it would have been less out of sexual desire or love than literary curiosity.