Bill Maher Quotes

But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children.

Pamela Anderson has more prosthetic in her body than I do. Nobody calls her disabled.

When you have a child who has special needs, you really start thinking about children across the board with special needs.

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid; I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.

It'll be kids next. I like the grown-up stuff. I like having a house. I've got dogs.

I have always loved children. I've been fantasizing about motherhood since I was probably 2 ½. I loved to babysit my cousins, and nieces, you know.

Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.

For me, as much about being a parent as it is about being a child.

This is my child, he said. I wash a dead man's brains out of his hair. That is my job.

I realize now what a great job my wife Michelle did, not only in raising our children, Melissa, Amy, Dustin, and Jenna, but in taking care of me.

How strange it is that people of honest feelings and sensibilty, who would not take advantage of a man born without arms or legs or eyes—how such people think nothing of abusing a man with low intelligence.

Was it the act of giving birth that made you a mother? Did you lose that label when you relinquished your child? If people were measured by their deeds, on the one hand, I had a woman who had chosen to give me up; on the other, I had a woman who'd sat up with me at night when I was sick as a child, who'd cried with me over boyfriends, who'd clapped fiercely at my law school graduation. Which acts made you more of a mother? Both, I realized. Being a parent wasn't just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life.

All the feeling which my father could not put into words was in his hand-any dog, child or horse would recognize the kindness of it.

I am anyway acting all the time with my bacche log (kids), so I do not miss it at all!

I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this mentally challenged guy!

The child’s parents are not his makers but his guardians.

When you raise an animal, you live it like your own child.

If you can imagine the area and the land in Cambodia, I mean there are hardly any roads in big parts of the country. The roads they have, in the rainy season, become just mud. So, if you’re somebody that has just one leg, or blind with no arms and you have children and you’re trying to work, and earn some money, and take care of your home, it’s hard enough to be a parent and do all of that normally.

You can get connections in lots of ways. You can get it by a friendship. You can get it by a dog. You can get it by a child. You can get it by being attached to a cause. You can get it by having huge problems and sharing those problems with other people.

What is the politically correct term for 'retarded'?""I think the words you're fishing for are 'mentally disabled.' And no. I'm not mentally disabled.

Caring for children has always been one of the deepest and most satisfying things that a human being does, and yet it is hard to keep a healthy attitude toward it in our competitive, outcome-oriented society.

Becoming a parent is actually terrifying. A lot of people have that feeling about their dogs. And if you're the kind of person who's going to have that feeling about a dog you're definitely going to have that about a child.

You become responsible for a human being, and a lot of people talk about how they've never felt love like this before. You hear all these things before you have a child, and they're all kind of true. It's just dealing with the overwhelming responsibility of like I'm the protector of this child that affected me the most.

Raising children has made me more patient and selfless.