Adam Ferrara Quotes

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

I have an all-Japanese design team, and none of them speak English. So it's often funny and surprising how my ideas end up lost in translation.

American and French culture are really, really different, but in a way it's funny.

I set out in television with one simple goal: to purchase a Russian bride. Didn't work out. Immigration stuff - it's complicated.

You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

I just think it's difficult for them to see the forest for the trees right now, which I can't blame them for, given the circumstances they found themselves in.

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"

The Japanese tend to communicate via nuance and euphemism, often leaving important things unsaid; whereas Americans tend to think they're being subtle when they refrain from grabbing the listener by the shirt.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."

I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts, and he read it, and he liked it, but he said he thinks I ought to re-write it. I said, "Fuck that - I'll just make a copy!"

Some marriages are made in heaven, Mine was made in Hong Kong, by the same people who make those little rubber pork chops they sell in the pet department at Kmart.

Childishness? I think it's the equivalent of never losing your sense of humor. I mean, yes there's a certain something that you retain. It's the equivalent of not getting so stuffy that you can't laugh at others.

How did we get to the point where we're paying for bottled water? That must have been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, like, "How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water."

I never thought I was funny. I don't THINK funny.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

A lawyer from Africa wants to marry Malia Obama in exchange for goats, sheep, and cows. In response, President Obama said, 'Don't be ridiculous. My daughter isn't marrying a lawyer.'

Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

I just think women are funnier than men.

I think absurdist humor is funny.

Rats have a sense of humor. Rats, in fact think the world is very funny. And they are right, dear reader. They are right.