Stephen Colbert Quotes

I love book clubs. I just hate reading and talking to people.

Ain't it funny what people say? Ain't it funny what people write?

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny.

Irony is the recourse of the weak-minded wimp, I think. I hate bands that deliver their songs with knowing smiles on their faces, so that if those songs fall flat they can say 'Ah well, we never really meant it anyway.' It's so dishonest.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.

If I had two faces, do you think I would be wearing this one.

The man who cannot laugh is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils, but his whole life is already a treason and a stratagem.

It's easy to make jokes about Donald Trump. There is such a difference between what he says and his behavior. It's not 180 degrees off with him. It's some sort of oblique angle.

I find it really appalling when people talk about comedy.

To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out.

Comedy actually works best when you're living in an OK world, and you are pointing out the hypocrisy in apathy.

I love irony.

I realized, dumb people don't know they're dumb. When people try to make me laugh and they try to be funny, that's when they lose me. I find a lot of comedy in honesty.

I don't lie," I lied.

Only a fool can believe people are basically good

The comic spirit masquerades in all things we say and do. We are each a clown and do not need to put on a white face.

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

Some people thinks that I'm the Antichrist, which would be a really good disguise for the Antichrist. You'd never see a pudgy, out-of-shape guy, 5 o'clock in the afternoon, being the Antichrist, would you?

The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe.

When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don't know what they're talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.