Rita Rudner Quotes

Look, I can carry a baby! I'm gaining weight right, everything's going well.

~I got pregnant, and I was like, 'Oh God, it worked! Oh no!' Chris [Ivery, her husband] and I were super happy, then I got terrified! Will I know how to do everything right? Of course, nobody does everything right, but as long as your baby is the priority, that's the best you can do.~

I feel sorry for little babies... When a little baby is born into this cold world, he's confused! He's frightened! He needs something to cheer him up... The way I see it, as soon as a baby is born, he should be issued a banjo!

We both gaze down at my swollen tummy for a while. I still can't quite get my head round the fact that there's a baby inside my body. Which has got to come out... somehow. OK, let's not go there. There's still time for them to invent something.

Watching teething babies is like watching over a thermonuclear reactor-it is best done in shifts, by well-rested people.

"I can't believe you recently had a baby. How do you do it?" The baby starts to come down...and once that happens you can't-it comes out. Whether you let it or not, the baby comes out. So that's how I did it.

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.

I'm four months along, but I feel like I'm carrying the baby in my a--, it's so big.

An imaginary baby is so much easier than a real baby. No diapers to change.

Getting a burp out of your little thing when she needs it is probably the greatest satisfaction I've come across at this point in my life.

Bringing a baby into the world is something I've always wanted, and now I'm completely ready for my life to start revolving around another human being.

[On sister Kim's pregnancy] The new year, we've got another child coming, so that's great. Kim's never had a baby, so it's going to be a beautiful blessing.

Friends always say you don't realise how robust your baby is until you drop it.

My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.

There is nothing like waking up at six in the morning and changing a baby's nappy to bring you face to face with life's reality.

A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

Babies on television never spit up on the Ultrasuede.

Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.

Fo' Gawd, Miss Scarlett! We's got ter have a doctah. Ah- Ah- Miss Scarlett, Ah doan know nuthin' 'bout bringin' babies. -Prissy

I did not know there was any controversy. I don't get a lot of time to read the fan forums, etc. I was thrilled to have the opportunity to have more storylines. I was just so happy to step in and pick up some of the slack for Emily while she was pregnant. It was so important for Emily to concentrate on her health and the well-being of her baby. In the end ... she is a great mother and her baby is adorable. I did not realize there was any controversy. LOL!

You know that you wouldn't take a baby on a plane without diapers, so when you leave your house, take care of you, like you would a baby. Don't leave your house without packing some healthy things.

A young pregnant wife has been hospitalized for a simple attack of appendicitis. The doctors had to apply ice to her stomach and when the treatments ended the doctors suggested that she abort the child, they told her it was the 'best solution' because the baby would be born with some disability but the young brave wife decided not to abort, and the child was born. That woman was my Mother and I was the child.

Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite.