Frankie Boyle Quotes

When I arrived in Milan, I found myself surrounded by many fantastic footballers.

If God had wanted us to play football in the sky, He'd have put grass up there.

And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

It was the coldest winter ever! I thought last winter was the coldest winter ever, but I was wrong now wasn't I? You see because I travel all the time. So last winter, I'd be in the midwest, and the blizzard would hit. And then I'd fly home, and the blizzard would hit again!

The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!

Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.

The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.

Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?

Whenever I travel I like to keep the seat next to me empty. I found a great way to do it. When someone walks down the aisle and says to you, "Is someone sitting there?" just say, "No one except the Lord."

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

In spite of a heavy disguise, a few days' growth on my face, dark glasses, a beret and one of William's jackets that fitted me not at all, as I emerged from a hotel in Lecce, a young fisherman pointed me out to his friends and said "Lavrenche Olivaire." It was not all that amazing; if you're not known in Italy, you're not known anywhere.

Once Everton has touched you, nothing will be the same.

Football, a game in which everyone gets hurt and every nation has its own style of play which seems unfair to foreigners.

At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3.

There are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.

Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!

Football is a game of cliches, and I believe in every one of them.

Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?!

Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.