Garrison Keillor Quotes

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

A good margarita, a good red wine, I like expensive alcohol, but not a lot of it. I don't like to throw up.

I'm a big fan of the effects of alcohol.

Getting wasted is only OK when you're young enough to not know better.

Beer. It always seems like such a good idea at the time, doesn't it? What's worse is beer seems like an even better idea after you've had some beer.

They drink with impunity, or anybody who invites them.

The first draught serveth for health, the second for pleasure, the third for shame, and the fourth for madness.

Drinking habits were very prevalent among men, and were not in any way disgraceful, unless excessive.

I never drank except a couple sips of wine at Thanksgiving.

Because of the high altitude, you get drunk really fast. So everyone's drunk all the time.

Drink not the third glass, which thou canst not tame, when once it is within thee.

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.

Liquor drinking is not a wrong; but excessive drinking is.

At the third cup, wine drinks the man.

He who drinks too much beer must drink water

As regards the use of wine, remember that we drink to quench thirst, and that the limit of moderation is reached when the edge of the intellect is dulled. A boy should be brought up to avoid wine…. Your own countrymen, like all northern peoples, are, I know, sore offenders in this matter of eating and drinking. But I count upon your own innate self-respect to preserve you from such bad example, and to enable you to despise the sneers and complaints of those around you.

After the White House, what is there to do but drink?

I didn't even drink in college.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.

I like to go to the frat house and drink with my white friends, because anytime you go drinking at the frat house, white boys bring you a drink and hand it to you like it's a top CIA secret. They'll hand me my drink, and I'll go, 'Man, what the hell is in this?' 'Dude, don't worry. Don't ask, just drink it. I'll see you in 20 minutes.' Next thing you know, I'm buck naked, standing on a coffee table, with a cowboy hat.

I never went out in the morning with the intention of getting drunk. It just happened.

But in college, we can wear our alcohol abuse as proudly as our university sweatshirts; the two concepts are virtually synonymous.

Wine and youth are fire upon fire.

I think, at a certain point, it's better for women not to have any alcohol because it can make your face, breasts and midsection get very bloated.