Phyllis Diller Quotes

Don't get married until you're certain that you're marrying the right girl. How did I know my wife was the one? I'd seen her for a couple of months. I liked her. She was a very creative person and she had a very good grip on politics and business.

Proceed not to the solemnization of the marriage without the consent of the parents or governors

I always get told by women that they would love a daughter-in-law like me. That's big, because not too many people seem to want their son to marry an actress!

Maidens! why should you worry in choosing whom you shall marry? Choose whom you may, you will find you have got somebody else.

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.

I think I have the only parents in the world who would not have said something against become an actress.

I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother.

It would take a hell of a wife to beat no wife at all.

I tell my children, shut up and let me speak. What I've learned, I have been married for 45 years and in my own family It is that I've learned to stop being judgmental, to listen.

Parents appreciate the child who agrees; they condemn the child who disagrees.

The best by far is to marry in one's own rank.

The reason why you date people is to get to know who you're gonna marry and spend the rest of your life with

've had good friends who got married after they've been together for years and they've said that it was the "next step" for them. Or, they've said, "You just can't bail out anymore." And I've wondered, What made you think you could just bail out before [the wedding]? You don't invest that kind of time and energy with somebody and then just go, "All right, see you later."

The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents — because they have a tame child-creature in their house.

In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study the disposition, the inheritance, and training of the one with whom you are contemplating making life’s journey.

I mean you're given all these lessons for the unimportant things--piano-playing, typing. You're given years and years of lessons in how to balance equations, which Lord knows you will never have to do in normal life. But how about parenthood? Or marriage, either, come to think of it. Before you can drive a car you need a state-approved course of instruction, but driving a car is nothing, nothing, compared to living day in and day out with a husband and raising up a new human being.

Avoid wine and women - choose a freckly-faced girl for a wife; they are invariably more amiable.

All of my short films are about marriages, and I think that this probably comes from some kind of unconscious fascination with my parents' story and what they went through.

What woman wants to go home with a guy that lives with his mother?

Nietzsche had a little one-liner on how to choose a wife. He said, ''Are you willing to have a conversation with this woman for the next forty years?'' That's how to pick a wife.

Once a man and woman have married, the only thing they should receive from their parents is advice and counsel, and then only when they ask for it. Parents should not offer opinions or advice without being asked.

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands.

Da, hes waiting for me to tell the two of you our news first, then he'll join me." He cocked a dark brow at her. "And why would he not come to your mother and me first and ask permission to handfast with you, as is the honorable thing to do?" She cocked her own brow, mirroring his expression perfectly. "Because he's not stupid. Anyone with any sense would be scared of you two. But even scared to death, he wanted to come with me. I wouldn't let him. I knew I needed to talk to you alone first.

It has been said that a bride's attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Aisle. Alter. Hymn.