Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

I have a lot of watches that need to be kept wound, so if I take two of them on a trip, there's always one sitting around. And if it sits around for a day, then it'll stop working. And then you have to reset the time and date, which is annoying.

Like all software, Qmail can survive only when it keeps up with changing requirements.

If the career you have chosen has some unexpected inconvenience, console yourself by reflecting that no career is without them.

There's something in human nature, the trying-to-get-on-with-it quality of people, the struggle to maintain or keep the show going can be exhausting.

Now, finally has the elevator arrived. The stairs was about to become a personal inferno.

Change is not made without inconvenience, even from worse to better.

Life on earth is more like a verb. It repairs, maintains, re-creates, and outdoes itself.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

It is for all these buildings, therefore, of all times and styles, that we plead, and call upon those who have to deal with them to put Protection in the place of Restoration, to stave off decay by daily care, to prop a perilous wall or mend a leaky roof by such means as are obviously meant for support or covering, and show no pretence of other art, and otherwise to resist all tampering with either the fabric or ornament of the building as it stands; if it has become inconvenient for its present use, to raise another building rather than alter or enlarge the old one; in fine to treat our ancient buildings as monuments of a bygone art, created by bygone manners, that modern art cannot meddle with without destroying.

You don't need to change something if it is working.

A few push-ups during breaks at work, walking to the grocery store, and opting to use the stairs instead of the elevator are all great ways to exercise.

Change is not made without inconvenience.

One of life's best coping mechanisms is to know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem.

I took the stairs and felt like my childhood took the elevator.

If something doesn't work exactly right, or maybe needs some special treatment, you don't just throw it away. Everything can't be fully operational all the time. Sometimes, we need to have the patience to give something the little nudge it needs.

Life tells you to take the elevator, but love tells you to take the stairs.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

As in the game of billiards, the balls are constantly producing effects from mere chance, which the most skillful player could neither execute nor foresee, but which, when they do happen, serve mainly to teach him how much he has still to learn; so it is in the most profound and complicated game of politics and diplomacy. In both cases, we can only regulate our play by what we have seen, rather than by what we have hoped; and by what we have experienced, rather than by what we have expected.

Once you let yourself believe that you've gotten to the top, you've lost sight of the real goal. Which is to keep climbing no matter what. And by climbing, I don't mean trying to out do yourself with even more accomplishments. Instead, what I mean is that just when we think we have done something well, we should start looking at the other areas of our lives that need attention.

Your old road is rapidly aging. Please get out of the new one If you can't lend your hand, For the times they are a-changin'.

I used to think that running an organization was equivalent to conducting a symphony orchestra. But I don't think that's quite it; it's more like jazz. There is more improvisation. Someone once wrote that the sound of surprise is jazz, and if there's any one thing that we must try to get used to in this world, it's surprise and the unexpected. Truly, we are living in world where the only thing that's constant is change.

We can't change the moon but we can live in harmony with its tides, and we can make some ripples of our own.

Evolution advances, not by a priori design, but by the selection of what works best out of whatever choices offer. We are the products of editing, rather than of authorship.