KYLE KINANE

The time that I have on this earth should just be filled with good times.

In 2007, I had on-paper success. I got to go to that Aspen comedy festival, which was pretty exclusive, I guess. Then I did Carson Daly. That was enough validation.

Nobody mountain bikes anymore - or ever did - in comedy, so I have to go by myself.

My theory on politics is no one really knows how it works, so I choose not to comment on stuff too outside of my league.

I'm glad I'm a comedian. Otherwise, my life would just be a series of undocumented low points.

When I lived in Chicago, I didn't like it. It's nice to visit.

Young writers take themselves very seriously in college.

I know what I like, and I'm not trying to adapt to new things.

I still love a well-crafted joke. Twitter's been great for that.

Sometimes I realize halfway through a story, I'm like, 'Why would anyone care about this? It's uninteresting.'

I'm hardly a known name, but I don't want to go, like, 'Oh, people call me a storyteller comedian, let me just go up and just talk about my day.' I don't want that to happen.

I am somehow allowed by the universe to do exactly what I want to do to make a living.

I was raised Catholic in the Midwest, so I can't enjoy anything.

I like to challenge myself not to be negative, because it's easy to take comedy to a negative place and criticize the outside world. Trying to praise something through comedy or be appreciative and making jokes about it is more challenging than cutting things down.

The exciting part about life is finding out what you can't do, because you don't find out until you try to do something and you're stopped.

Sometimes your dreams come true, and it's a real drag.

I don't want to make it a hard, fast rule, but it's surprising how many 'fun for the whole family' acts are real scumbags. The people that confess they're scumbags on stage are generally really great people. They're more honest with the audience with who they are.

I think the problems with comedians that are political, and there are some brilliant ones, are the ones that offer no solutions. Not that there's a moral obligation for a comic to fix things, but I like to see a comic that's upset about something and offer a solution. It can be a funny solution. I like to see the thought process.

The category I come closest to is 'lumberjack hipster.'

I now get to have the life I wanted when I was 18 years old. Now, I'm like, 'I can buy any skateboard I want.'

I think I told my parents I wanted to be a writer, just so they'd kind of think I had some direction in life. It made it easier to pick out classes at college, like, 'Oh, this is writing classes, that's what I'm doing.'

I try to stay away from calling people nerds or whatever, because I've got my own fetishes and interests.

It's a Vietnamese soup that answers the question, 'What happens when a former child soldier pours hot rain water over fish nightmares.' It's delicious and I can't stop eating it, that's what happens.

How can you feel like an actual member of society casting a vote for a president when in a professional interview you said that farts make you laugh? And you're a professional in comedy? But then, have you ever seen a video of a small dog that farts? Welp. I don't need to explain that anymore. If you can't see the humor in that, good luck being a CEO somewhere where I'm not going to understand you. It's a harmless thing to laugh at. It's humor that's not at the expense of someone else. And it's silly. It's juvenile.

What a great unifier getting scared is. Not in an actual threatening, real-world way, but getting scared from horror movies or haunted houses or ghost stories. You laugh because it's a release. People laugh when they're nervous. I laugh so much at a haunted house. It's out of fear, but it's also a wonderful release. Getting scared like that, you feel good, and you feel exhilarated afterwards.