I got hit with an octopus in Detroit one time. It was the most gross thing I've ever had happen. I got it right in the back of the neck; all the juice was coming down. It was awful.
If I commit an error I do it without bad intention.
I don't really get embarrassed a lot because I feel like life goes on. I mean, I fell on stage one time; like, I tripped one time. My voice cracked... That's pretty embarrassing.
What is the distinction between "misfortune" and "calamity"? If Mr. Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune; but if someone pulled him out, it would be a calamity.
1st Earl of Beaconsfield
Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it when people shake my hand.
Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.
America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair.
When I'm doing an appearance somewhere and taking questions from the audience, I can always count on: 'Tell about the guy who died on your show!'
I've barfed in movies before. It seems like it always ends up being Campbell's soup mixed with something else.
I remember, my very first day at a new school, a bird pooped all down my back. It was like any other day of school except everyone was like, 'Oh my God, you're from the movie 'Big Daddy,'' and I had bird poop all over me.
I got run over by a bug-eyed dummy, I guess.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
Every unfortunate event does not give rise to lawsuit.
I was interviewing Daniel Craig and Naomie Harris for a Bond film a few years ago, and the moment I sat down, my dress ripped. No more bodycon numbers for me. I had to walk out of the room backwards when I was done.
When I was 11 I had to umpire a game. I got hit in the head and got knocked out. The ball was hit straight back, hit the bail and knocked my head.
When Obama heralds another 'teachable moment,' it means he has already made an egregious rookie mistake.
You'd be surprised how many stupid mistakes I've made. I make stupid mistakes all the time, and some of them have been very big stupid mistakes.
Nobody wants to look stupid by celebrating on offside goal.
I lament that two or three women and children were killed by accident.
I fell through a stage once. I was doing a truly African dance, and all of a sudden, I hit the ground with my foot and went straight through the stage. I guess they didn't have much money, so the floor was kind of rotting.
The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
My first go at drinking did not go so well. I ended up getting sick in front of everybody. You know that Ginuwine song 'Pony'? It was playing at the party while I was getting sick. My entire senior year, everyone sang that around me. For a year. I would like that erased from my memory.
There have been two great accidents in my life. One was the trolley, and the other was Diego. Diego was by far the worst.
... to die on a kitchen floor at 7 o'clock in the morning while other people are frying eggs is not so rough unless it happens to you.
The worst thing that happened to me as a child was seeing my brother get pushed into a cement mixer.
