Kitchen Disaster Quotes

The first time I was cooking for my wife, Stephanie, way before she was my wife, I actually put three chickens on the rotisserie and I closed the grill, which is really a bad idea. But I just wasn't thinking very straight that day. And I looked outside and I saw, like, smoke and flames.

I think my biggest heartbreak was when I just couldn't get an American cheese cake/pie with a saltine cracker crust and green tomato sorbet to work out in my favor.

I am the worst cook. I make a mess making a bowl of cereal... like, I'm just such a klutz in the kitchen.

I recall my mum tried to teach me how to fry chicken once, and I almost burned down half the kitchen... I don't think I have the patience for cooking.

In high school, I tried to cook dinner for a girl, and it was horrific. It was at her house. I was trying to make pork chops with my mom's recipe, just trying to be Mr. Awesome, like, 'Yeah, I cook, too.' But I just burned everything. There was smoke everywhere.

She did not so much cook as assassinate food.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

The first recipe I made was a disaster. I'd been chopping and pressing dates to create a raw brownie, and I thought it would work even better if I blended them in a food processor. So I went and bought one specially. When my boyfriend at the time came over to try the results, he took one bite and spat it out - I'd left the plastic on the blades.

I know it sounds funny, but every time I have a disaster in the kitchen, it knocks my confidence level a little bit more, and I feel annoyed with myself that I can't do better.

One day Mum saved up for this exciting new thing - a frozen chicken. She cooked it on the Sunday and we all sat around waiting for it, but there was a terrible smell from the kitchen. She didn't realise that the giblets were in a plastic bag inside it. We just ate vegetables and she cried and cried.

If I walked into a restaurant, the other diners would look around and say, 'I hope you're not cooking.'

I did an O-level in domestic science when I was at school, but on the day of the practical exam, it was a cookery nightmare.

I can't cook to save my life. I'm a disaster.

I was once making a burger for myself at my boyfriend's house and a lyric started pouring out and I had to catch it, so I ran to another room to write it down, but then the kitchen caught fire. His cabinets were charred, and he was furious. But it was worth it for a song.

Molly was committing dinner by that time, aided and abetted by Sanya, who seemed to take some kind of grim Russian delight in watching train wrecks in progress.

As a self-proclaimed cooking disaster, I try to makes things that I think I can easily master.

Everything I touched in the kitchen turned out crappy, no matter how closely I followed the recipe or copied the cooking show.

When I was 13 or 14, my parents had a bit of a windfall so bought a lovely new kitchen, but I burnt it down. I was making cheese on toast when flames escaped from the grill. My father stopped the fire with blind panic and excessive water. I was forgiven, but it put me off cooking for years.