Bodily Function Quotes

Writing is like the relationship with your bowels. First you can, then you can't. Finally, you must. Only then should you reach for the paper.

Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.

I love a sneeze.

Male urination really is a kind of accomplishment, an arc of transcendance. A woman merely waters the ground she stands on.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

I can't burp on command.

I do not cough for my own amusement.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

A Senator is to a microphone as a dog is to a fire hydrant.

It's unfortunate biologically we have to sleep.

Like hunger or thirst, the instinct for balance is built into the human body.

I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge.

No clock is more regular than the belly.

One of the rudest things you can do, food-wise, is to stare at someone in the act of eating. It draws attention to the unseemly fact that eating is a bodily function - like animals, we are trapped by our hungers, but we do our best to disguise them with such civilized props as menus and forks.

Born merely for the purpose of digestion.

Happiness for me is largely a matter of digestion.

Exercise tells your cells that you are alive. All bodies need oxygenation.

It's such an insult that foul gas comes out of a hole in our butt with a sound to announce itself. It's the ultimate bad thing about being a person.

The natural function of the wing is to soar upwards and carry that which is heavy up to the place where dwells the race of gods. More than any other thing that pertains to the body it partakes of the nature of the divine.

Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows.

Be able to hiccup silently, or at least without alerting neighbors to your situation. The first hiccup is an exception.