Mark Twain Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

Fighting should be left to dogs and cats and chickens, who can't reason.

Meow” means “woof” in cat.

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.

When a cat flatters ... he is not insincere: you may safely take it for real kindness.

A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

A cat likes to hear you calling him. He sits in a bush a yard from your shoes - and listens.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

The more you rub a cat on the rump, the higher she sets her tail.

No cat purrs unless someone is around to listen.

Cats possess so many of the same qualities as some poeple that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.

She comes to me when she wants to be fed. And after I feed her -- guess what -- she's off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. She's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. She's actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn't have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life.

Bast crouched down and began making weird chittering noises. Uh-oh. She was imitating birds. I'd seen enough cats do this when they were stalking. Suddenly my own obituary flashed in my head: Carter Kane, 14, tragically died in Paris wen he was eaten by his sister's cat, Muffin.

All cats love a cushioned couch.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

I’m a cat. We aren’t required to make sense.

The only thing better than the world's cutest cat is any dog.

Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.

Cats invented self-esteem.

Cats are a mysterious kind of folk.

Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.