Kevin Jonas Quotes

I'm doing stand-up comedy. I'm working on a one-woman show about how I don't like my baby. There is a period of time where a baby is born where the next 3 months is harrowing. A lot of people say it's the most wonderful time, but for me it was harrowing.

Actually I did not hold the baby immediately because I was not confident of myself. I was initially nervous to hold him, so I had to wait for a few days before I could a feel of him.

For the first few months, I was a comically inept parent. The first night home from the hospital, I held her bare body against my bare chest until a friend who was a doctor came by and asked what I was doing, and told me to put some clothes on that baby.

Everyone says, 'You give birth, you go home, and you have this amazing baby and it's just beautiful'. And I walked in and I just started sobbing.

From what I hear, it's a normal thing to feel guilty as a mother, especially when trying to fill the needs of a newborn along with maintaining what you had with your first child.

I remember leaving the hospital - thinking, 'Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don't know beans about babies! I don't have a license to do this.' We're just amateurs.

When I look back to when I had my first son, I was unhappy. I couldn't understand why the weight wasn't just falling off.

Most new moms, and even experienced moms, have questions in the months after giving birth. Pregnancy books don't explain everything, and you may be caught off guard by some things that are happening both to you and to your baby in those first few months.

Everyone told me to sleep when the baby sleeps, but she sleeps during the daytime, and that's when I have to get stuff done! I've been a zombie.

Having a baby can be a scream.

As one does with a first child, I found out that my baby could roll by hearing the sound of her body hit the ground at 4 a.m. and obviously, for any new parent, that is the most horrifying thing that could happen, right? You're exhausted and you take your tiny little baby out and you put them on the bed to change diapers before nursing and you turn around and you discover... my baby can roll! And you think you're going to die.

I don't watch television because I have a tiny baby daughter. I'm useless.

Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does, right?

[Postpartum] is a raw time when you need your friends and family to swoop in in a very real way.

Where's your instruction manual?" I asked him. "What's the baby customer-service number?

Maternity leave is over for Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live. She'll be back behind the Weekend Update anchor desk for this week's episode, her first show since giving birth to daughter Alice on Sept. 10. I had to get back to work, .. NBC has me under contract; the baby and I have only a verbal agreement.

For plain and fancy worrying, give me a new mother every time.

when your child is in trouble, the first thing you do is blame yourself.

I just remembered that I'm absent minded... wait, I mean I lost my mind, I can't find it.

I feel like there's so much focus on the woman when you're pregnant, and it's amazing and beautiful and everybody's taking care of you, and then you have the baby and nobody's interested. And yet you are the most vulnerable you've been - I mean, I'm speaking on my own experience. Other women may have very different experiences.

Worrying seems like a fairly natural state of being for a parent, so feel free to worry as much as you want.

I can remember much forgetfulness.

You know, you're only as happy as your least happy child. So if your kids aren't okay, you're not good.

I've been doing things myself in the sense that I haven't had a night nurse or anything like that, so I've spent every night with baby except for the nights that I've had to travel.

I had twins, so it was really uncomfortable [to sleep], because you lay on one side, and there's a baby, and you lay on the other side and there's a baby. So I had a really hard time with it.