Dick Cavett Quotes

There isn't a comedian in the world that hasn't bombed.

Everybody in comedy has something like that happen to them: They bomb, or no one shows up. You're like, 'Hey, I'm funny, trust me!' And the world collectively goes, 'Yeah, you and everybody else.'

As a comedian, you have everything working against you.

In standup, the feedback is instantaneous, and if it fails, you know you'll be off-stage and hiding in a short time.

I remember thinking as I was doing the jokes for the first time, "If I can hear that very clearly, I'm not hearing laughter." It just became deafening, this buzzing noise. I mean, it was brutal. It was really terrible. Then I remember thinking, "At least nobody important, or anyone who I really respect, saw that." And then literally right when I went off the stage, Jerry Seinfeld got up and went on. So I was like, "Oh great. Seinfeld saw me bomb." On the other hand, I thought, "At least no one will be thinking of me anymore. They'll just be focusing on him."

It's depressing sitting at a comedy club all night, waiting to get on to do your five or ten minutes of material.

The only time I don't get nervous is if I'm doing a home club in L.A. and I know all of my friends there because then I play to my friends. When I first started doing comedy, I hated it when my friends came; it made me more nervous. Now I just try to make them laugh.

I was 15 on the show, and I cried a lot. I was homesick, and was so worried, that I didn't think of being on 'American Idol.' I was so worried that I was going home every week that I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have.

The first time I performed at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, I was in the back of the room doing vocal exercises. 'Me-me-me, my-my-my, mo-mo-mo.' And I'm looking around, and no one else is doing it. I'm like, 'They must have done it before they came to the club.' I came to realize that I was an idiot.

Before 'SNL,' I would do stand-up, opening for Jeff Tweedy. It was worse than bombing in that people were dead silent.

I hate going into the audition room. I find it the most nerve-wracking, inhumane experience, and I think it's such an inhospitable environment to give an honest account of the character and, I guess, your ability.

I love the Comedy Cellar. The audience has no expectations because they don't know me. It's great. It's only winning - if I bomb, they just say, 'Oh, the French guy sucks.' But if I do well, then they remember me.

I think doing The Improv is a little more ominous than doing a college campus because it was so different than anything I'd done.

I'd be on stage in Ireland performing for thousands of people and just not believing in what I'm doing at all. And it hurt, it hurt badly. I knew every day that I couldn't continue this way.

I bombed in front of 5,000 people. Anybody that's ever stood in front of 5,000 people that don't like them can tell you, it's an energy associated with that. You don't want to feel that. You ask yourself, 'Do you really really want to do this?'

For many comedians, two common anxiety triggers include performing in front of family members and doing brand new material.

It hurts when you are at a club you loved, a place where you think you might want to end your career, and things go badly.

In 2005, I played Count Fosco in 'The Woman In White' on Broadway. It was a disaster. I was physically run down and terribly homesick and I just knew I had to leave. I lasted three months before the producers released me.

Acting, when you don't want to do it or you disagree with everything, is almost like having sex with someone you don't like. I had one experience like that on stage, in a terrible version of The Cherry Orchard. I put on a wig, dark-coloured contacts and just hoped no one would recognise me.

I am not the performing type. I was the one who would cry, throw up or pass out.

A joke bombing on stage doesn't bother me, especially if it's intended to bomb.

I like the stage challenges of having somebody literally falling apart before your very eyes.

I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian.

Most comics' first gig is either brilliant or horrific.

The first time I did a show, I definitely didn't get any money. My friend just let me do this show. I was so nervous: my mic didn't work, and I was like, 'Urgh.' It was terrible. It was a dingy club off of the highway, but all these people came. It was packed out.