David Levithan Quotes

If this bloke's a Test match bowler, then my backside is a fire engine

Who the hell do you think did it, Martians?

You cannot be serious!

Well what's funny is, again, people say they believed what was going on, but again, Bob's hands are about three times bigger than his feet. So these are very caricatured.

Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.

We cannot infer that because sciences of things divine and human are full of controversies and quarrels, therefore their whole subject-matter is uncertain ; for there have been many persons so enamoured of contradiction, as to turn into ridicule geometrical axioms.

The common thread of my comedy shows is conflict and, I guess, the frustration of people who either argue with you or just say stuff which is blatantly incorrect, and nobody calls them out on it.

[Jenks]"I think you're all screwy in the head," he said when Bis nodded his encouragement. "But go ahead. I've got Quen's number in my phone. I'll call him if you both explode in a flash of black underwear and money so I won't have to fly all the way home.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

Miracle me no miracles.

You can say the Earth is flat, but it doesn't mean you're going to fall off the edge.

Some, merely to contradict what I had said, did not scruple to cast doubt upon things they had seen with their own eyes again and again.

Exactly. They're stupid. Who cares?" "I care. They bother me. And that's why I'm stupid. That makes me exponentially more stupid than stupid. I'm stupid to the power of stupid." She waved her hand. The moon blew away. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." I looked at her out of the corner of my eye.

Uh, my lord, I am not actually food. You do realize this, yes?

Townsend shrugged. 'With all due respect to the good doctor, I highly suspect he's a moron.

Ha," I said. "Oh, ha-ha. Yeah, ’cause they love me. You see how many vampires are up here? Zero, right?" One," said Eric, stepping out of the stairwell.

"Well, I never heard it before," said the Mock Turtle; "but it sounds uncommon nonsense."

If you pray hard enough, water will run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course!

Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.

It is said that ridicule is the test of truth; but it is never applied except when we wish to deceive ourselves - when if we cannot exclude the light, we would fain draw the curtain before it. The sneer springs out of the wish to deny; and wretched must that state of mind be, that wishes to take refuge in doubt.

Negative? Moi? I think realistic might be a better word. You mean to tell me we can drive all the way here from L.A. and see maybe ten thousand square miles of shopping malls, and you don't have maybe just the weentsiest inkling that something, somewhere has gone very very cuckoo?

It's hard to believe that you're really here, so I just pretend that you're not here.

Andy Pettitte is my friend...I think he misremembers.

It was almost as incredible as if you fired a 15-inch shell at a piece of tissue paper and it came back and hit you.

You evah hear of a magic screw?' I cough back a laugh. 'No. No, sir.